"Manage a relationship with God is the foundation of the relationship with others."

1 John 1:7 "But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin."

When we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior and ask Him to forgive us of all our sins, He does and forget them all. We know are a new creation in Jesus and part of the Kingdom of God and no longer part of the world. We are to live IN THE LIGHT of Jesus, walk as Jesus teaches us to walk in His Word, live in purity, and forsake the lust of the flesh.

If we can have a Positive relationship with Jesus, put Him first in our life, forsake the world and the lust of the flesh, then we can have a Positive Successful relationship with the one Jesus has chosen for us for life and build a successful Positive Marriage for LIFE!

It all starts with Jesus FIRST in our life, then we can build a Positive Christian relationship with another person!

Matthew 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." 

This all sounds so simple, and it is, however many will try to do it their way and forsake the Word of God and suffer the consequences. It’s ALWAYS worth making the correct choices to follow Jesus and obey His Word!

God bless you, Pastor Roger McCarthy

If God loves me why am I not married?

Author: Darla Wilkinson

Source: http://www.truewoman.com/?id=2651

I married just before turning thirty-three. That's an eternity to some; a drop in the bucket to others. But it was longer than I expected to be on my own. And for large portions of those years angst, sadness, and distrust plagued me.

Sure, on the outside I looked good. I faithfully served my church, even moving 3,500 miles away for vocational ministry. But inside, I wanted more. I wanted someone to cherish me above anyone else. Many nights I cried myself to sleep instead of treasuring my Father's presence.

A big reason I missed out on God's peace and joy during my singleness was because I believed a lie. At the time I couldn't describe it. But deep down I felt since God wasn't giving me my greatest desire He didn't notice me, He didn't hear me, He didn't love me. It was a message straight from the father of lies, and I swallowed it hook, line, and sinker.

"I felt since God wasn't giving me my greatest desire He didn't notice me, He didn't hear me, He didn't love me. It was a message straight from the father of lies, and I swallowed it hook, line, and sinker."

The Truth

The beautiful truth was that the waiting had everything to do with my heavenly Father's love for me. The apostle Paul in Romans 11:33 says the wisdom, knowledge, and ways of God are unsearchable and inscrutable. In other words, He is so great, and we are so small, we can't fully understand all He is doing.

Yet despite the mystery of God's plans for me, one thing was always certain,

"As high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him" (Ps. 103:11).

The eyes of my heart couldn't see that nothing came my way (or didn’t come my way!) without passing through the filter of my Father's love. My desire for intimacy, connection, and security trumped my faith in God's love. But, in reality He did hear my cries, and He was for me! (Ps. 56:8–9)

God Never Gives Up

Thankfully, the Lord never stopped pursuing me with this truth. I'd love to say I figured it all out before marriage. Sure, my confidence in God's love grew when He answered my prayer for a husband. But much of this faith developed during trials in marriage. Chronic illness and interrupted plans for children were gifts from the Lord to continue pressing the truth of His grace and love into my heart. Could I believe His Word even when life felt wrong? On my own I couldn't, but over time His gentle, persistent power changed my heart.

If you are God’s child then this grace is for you, too. You may never know why He is delaying marriage. But, rest assured—even if you never marry—He is not withholding something that would be best for you! He didn't even spare His own Son to save your soul; and He graciously gives you all things that you need in Jesus (Rom. 8:32).

"God graciously gives you all things that you need in Jesus."

Are you wrestling to believe God's love for you in your singleness?

======================================================

2nd Article

Author: Shayla Ortiz

Source: http://spirituallysingle1.blogspot.com/2014/03/if-god-loves-me-why-am-i-not-married.html

In my culture it's shameful to be single at my age:

There are many cultures in which a twenty-five year old single woman is alarming because it's believed her childbearing years are fleeting away and somehow the older she becomes the less desirable, which makes waiting on the Lord much more difficult. Unfortunately in this world as women age, being single becomes less of a status and more of a stigma, giving way to names like "old maid" or "spinster"; however, God's perspective is much different. In 1 Cor. 7:8 Paul says, "So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am". Why? Because, "a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband". (1 Cor. 7:35 NLT) 

God views this time in your life as a good thing, as a time to devote yourself to Him. He wants you to enjoy his presence and everything he has to offer. Stop focusing on your age and your singleness and begin relishing your free time with the Lord. Start focusing on things you can do! Take a bible class and get to know your maker at a more intimate level. Go on a missions trip and mentor single women in other countries. There are so many things you can be doing, things married women can only dream of but don't have the time. 

I don't want be to be alone forever, the thought scares me.

God knew that as humans we needed companionship, hence Adam and Eve. He knew you'd need love and the physical touch of another,so it's justifiable to be frightened at the thought of being single forever; however, God says, "don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand". (Isa. 41:10 NLT)

Pray and claim that strength, ask Him to help you face life with boldness and to help you rely on him for all your needs. Why? Because God says, "your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name". 

That promise encompasses all your needs physical, mental and spiritual. He will be your provider, protector, guide, spiritual leader, comfort and so much more, more than a human can ever be. 

I need physical touch, what do I do with these desires?

What you are feeling is completely normal and God understands those needs. He created you with those needs wired deep inside you. He knows the emotions swirling inside you and knows the deep desires within your heart; therefore, as your Creator he can fulfill those desires. Pray and be honest with the Lord and say, "Lord my desires overwhelm and frustrate me. Please satisfy these needs and ease this urgency so I can honor you with my life. Help me understand your ways so I can glorify you and be content. Help me percieve your presence when I'm alone and your gentle hand when in need of human touch". Nothing is impossible for the Lord what makes you think he can't fulfill your need? Trust in Him. 

When do I stop hoping for marriage? How do I know if I'm meant to stay single? 

I don't think you should ever stop hoping because there is always hope in the Lord, he is the God of hope. (Romans 15:13) God's timing is completely different than ours, just when you think it's too late he might surprise you with a godly man. His plans baffle human comprehension and we can't attempt to understand what only he knows. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jer. 29:11) It's never too late for the Lord. Nothing is impossible for him. There is nothing in your life he cannot do. Seek the Lord above all else and live righteously, and he will give you "everything you need". (Matt. 6:33) So concentrate on the Lord not your status. Live for the Lord and forget the rest, he will take care of you.

IT MATTERS WHOM YOU MARRY [Continued…Part 3 of 3]

IT MATTERS WHOM YOU MARRY

[Continued…Part 3 of 3]

“…… So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters……”

4. IT WILL IMPACT YOU MENTALLY 

Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.

You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.

5. IT WILL IMPACT YOU RELATIONALLY

How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.

It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?

Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.

So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly.

Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ. 

© Rebecca VanDoodewaard 

RVDin MARRIAGE,WOMEN

===========================================================

PENTING DENGAN SIAPA ANDA MENIKAH !

[Bagian 3 / 3]

“….. Jadi, kepada seluruh muda/i, dan gadis-gadis saleh yang belum menikah di luar sana, DENGARKAN, Betapa pentingnya dengan siapa Anda menikah!”

4. Pernikahan dapat mempengaruhi Anda secara mental.

Apakah pria yang Anda pikirkan akan menjadi sumber kekhawatiran atau akankah dia menolong Anda mengatasi kekhawatiran Anda? Apakah dia akan mendukung perkembangan cara berpikir Anda atau malah akan mengabaikannya? Akankah dia menghargai pendapat Anda dan mendengarkan apa yang ada pikirkan atau akankah dia mengabaikannya pendapat2 Anda? Akankah dia menolong Anda di saat Anda sedang stress yang membuat pikiran Anda tidak semakin panas, atau apakah dia membiarkan Anda melaluinya sendirian? Akankah dia mempedulikan Anda dan penuh perhatian jika Anda sedang mengalami pergumulan, atau akankah dia mengabaikannya?

Saya mengenal seorang wanita yang bisa menangani kehamilan and kelahirannya dengan sangat baik secara fisik namun tekanan yang terjadi setelah melahirkan membuatnya mengalami beban pikiran yang menyengsarakan. Suaminya tidak memperhatikan dan melanjutkan untuk memiliki lebih banyak anak, sampai istrinya berakhir di Rumah sakit jiwa.

Anda mungkin berpikir bahwa sisi psikologis dari sebuha pernikahan adalah masalah kecil, tapi pada kenyataannya itu lebih besar daripada yang Anda pikrikan. Pertimbangkanlah baik-baik.

5. Pernikahan mempengaruhi hubungan Anda dengan orang-orang sekitar.

Bagaimana hubungan Anda dengan Ibu Anda? Ayah Anda? Apakah Anda menyanyangi mereka? Bagaimana pasangan Anda? Dan pada saat 10 tahun mendatang ketika Anda memberitahu suami Anda bahwa Ibu Anda akan datang pada akhir pekan, Apakah ia akan senang? Kecewa? Marah? Atau membuat lelucon dengan teman-temannya? Tentu saja, seorang suami harus menjadi prioritas daripada hal lainnya. Tapi peranan orangtua tetap masih menjadi sebuah bagian besar dalam hidup Anda. Apapun perasaan negative yang dia miliki tentang orangtua Anda saat ini, kemungkinan besar akan sama setelah pernikahan. Pernikahan Anda dapat menguatkan atau menghancurkan relasi Anda dengan orangtua Anda. Orang-orang yang sangat mengenal Anda dan mencintai Anda saat ini dapat menajdi sebuah hal sulit dikarenakan suami yang membenci mereka.

Sama halnya dengan adik dan teman-teman. Apakah mereka akan bersikap baik di rumah Anda? Akankah pria yang bersama Anda menyemangati sebuah hubungan yang sehat kepada wanita-wanita lain, atau akankah dia akan cemburu dengan persahabatan yang normal dan alkitabiah? Akankah dia menolong Anda untuk menyemangati wanita-wanita muda dan berterimakasih ketika wanita-wanita yang lebh tua memberi masukan kepada kalian, atau akankah dia meremehkannya?

Jangan mengorbankan banyak relasi yang baik demi seseorang yang tidak bisa menghargai orang-orang yang mencintai Anda.

Jadi, bagaimanakah sikap yang akan dilakukan kekasih Anda setelah sumpah pernikahan? Karena ini adalah hanya sebuah contoh dari cara-cara dari seorang suami yang bisa menjadi berkati atau kutuk bagi istrinya. Benar, tidak ada pria yang sempurna di luar sana, Tapi masih ada yang luar biasa. Menikah dengan orang yang salah adalah mimpi buruk.

Jangan menikah dengan orang yang cara kepemimpinannya tidak dapat Anda ikuti. Jangan menikah dengan seseorang yang tidak berusaha mencintai Anda seperti cara Yesus mencintai gereja-Nya. Menikahlah dengan seseorang yang mengerti dan mempraktekan kasih dari Kristus.

Translator: MerryREMA

Author:
© Rebecca VanDoodewaard
RVDin MARRIAGE,WOMEN

IT MATTERS WHOM YOU MARRY [Continued…Part 2 of 3]

IT MATTERS WHOM YOU MARRY

[Continued…Part 2 of 3]

“…… So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters……”

2. IT WILL IMPACT YOU EMOTIONALLY 

Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.

Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.

3. IT WILL IMPACT YOU PHYSICALLY

Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.

Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.

Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.

Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.

Watch out. Your body needs care and protection. 

[To be continued……]

© Rebecca VanDoodewaard 

RVD in MARRIAGE,WOMEN

====================================================================

PENTING DENGAN SIAPA ANDA MENIKAH

[Bagian 2 dari 3]

“….Ditujukan kepada seluruh muda-mudi, khususnya wanita yang belum menikah di luar sana, dengarkanlah ini, bahwa sangat penting dengan siapa Anda menikah…”

2. Pernikahan akan mempengaruhi Anda secara EMOSI.

Apakah pria yang sedang Anda pikirkan akan menyemangati Anda, mencintai Anda, berbuat baik terhadap Anda, dan berusaha untuk mengerti Anda, atau akankah ia pergi dengan teman-temannya ketika Anda sedang mengalami saat-saat sulit? Akankah ia mendengarkan ketika Anda sedang menceritakan sesuatu atau malah bermain dengan video game –nya?

Akankah ia mengejek Anda ketika Anda menangis , atau akankah ia akan memeluk Anda? Akankah ia akan mengerti bahwa Anda mungkin lebih lembut darinya, lebih sensitive terhadap masalah dan perdebatan, atau apakah ia akan bertindak kasar terhadap perasaan Anda?

Seorang wanita akan berjuang saat masa-masa pemberian asi untuk bayinya. Meyakini bahwa saat-saat tersebut adalah saat berharga untuknya, namun sangat sulit. Seorang suami hendaknya terus memberikan dukungan kepada istrinya. Pria yang tidak peduli terhadap perasaan Anda dan kepercayaan diri Anda adalah pria yang egois dan harus ditinggalkan.

Berhati-hatilah, seorang suami bisa melumpuhkan atau  membantu perkembangan kesehatan emosional Anda.

3. Pernikahaan akan mempengaruhi Anda secara fisik.

Apakah pria yang bersama Anda saat ini hendak menyiapkan keperluan-keperluan dasar Anda seperti tempat tinggal, pakaian, dan makanan untuk Anda?

“Tetapi jika ada seorang yang tidak memeliharakan sanak saudaranya, apalagi seisi rumahnya, orang itu murtad dan lebih buruk dari orang yang tidak beriman.” -1 Tim 5:8.

Akankah pria yang bersama Anda peduli terhadap tubuh Anda atau menyiksanya? Jika dia memberikan Anda sedikit pukulan, tendangan, atau sejenisnya ketika Anda masih berkencan, Pergilah menjauh darinya. Hal tersebut hampir menjamin bahwa dia akan melakukannya juga setelah Anda menikah bahkan ketika Anda sedang hamil.

Akankah pria yang bersama Anda peduli terhadap sexualitas? Apakah dia akan menghormati sebuah pernikahan ketika di tempat tidur secara fisik dan mental setia kepada Anda atau akankah dia merayu dan memuaskan nafsu birahinya saja atau bahkan meninggalkan Anda untuk wanita lain? Anda tidak bisa selalu memprediksi hal ini, tapi ketika tanda-tandanya sudah mulai terlihat, berhati-hatilah.

Apakah dia akan berprilaku lembut kepada Anda di tempat tidur? Seorang wanita secara tidak dipercayai menceritakan bahwa setelah melakukan hubungan, dia menjadi susah berjalan karena pasangannya sangat kasar. Dengan kati lain, sang pria begitu egoisnya sehingga dia tidak mempedulikan tubuh dari wanita yang dicintainya.

Ingat, Tubuh Anda membutuhkan perhatian dan perlindungan!

[Bersambung...]

Translator: MerryREMA

Author: © Rebecca VanDoodewaard

RVD in MARRIAGE,WOMEN

"WHO YOU MARRY MATTERS!" (Part 1/3)

IT MATTERS WHOM YOU MARRY

[Part 1 of 3]

My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.

So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.

Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.

1. IT WILL IMPACT YOU SPIRITUALLY

If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.

If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.

The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.

[To be continued……]

© Rebecca VanDoodewaard

RVD in MARRIAGE,WOMEN

===============================================================

PENTING DENGAN SIAPA ANDA MENIKAH !

[Bagian 1 / 3]

Suami saya dan saya suatu ketika berada di kelompok kepemudaan.  Di sana ada 3 anak sedang duduk di seberang kami pada saat makan; 2 anak laki-laki dan 1 anak perempuan. Seorang anak laki-laki adalah seorang ahli computer dengan kacamatanya. Yang lainnya adalah seorang mahasiswa dengan rambut lurus yang keren dan tidak berkacamata. Si perempuan jelas sekali bersama dengannya. Tapi ketika si ahli computer sedang sibuk melayani setiap orang pada saat jamuan, membersihkan piring dan sampah, si mahasiswa menjadi marah dengan gadis itu untuk sebuah kecelakaan kecil dan menumpahkan jus berwarna merah ke arah jaket kulitnya dan kemeja putih si gadis. Si gadis sudah memilih pria yang salah, dan kelihatannya jus tersebut tidak mengubah pikirannya. Dia sedang berada di dalam kesedihan jika hubungan tersebut terus berlanjut  dan terutama jika mengarah ke pernikahan.

Maka dari itu, kepada seluruh muda-mudi, gadis-gadis saleh yang belum menikah di luar sana, DENGARLAH, PENTING DENGAN SIAPA ANDA MENIKAH. Anda mungkin berpikir bahwa cara dia memperlakukan Anda tidak begitu buruk. Tapi, hal tersebut akan terus berlanjut dan tidak akan berubah setelah pesta pernikahan. Anda mungkin berpikir bahwa ia akan berubah suatu saat. Itu mungkin saja, tapi hampir kebanyakan TIDAK. Anda mungkin berpikir bahwa Anda dapat melayaninya dan membantunya. Itu mungkin, tapi jika Anda tidak berhasil saat ini, Anda juga tidak akan pernah berhasil selamanya, dan Anda harus menanggung sendiri resikonya. Seorang suami harus memimpin dan membahagiakan Anda,  tidak perlu seorang penasihat untuk kepribadian dasar atau masalah prilaku.

Untuk seseorang yang belum menikah, hal ini sangat terang-terangan dan Anda mungkin belum dapat  mengerti seberapa besar seorang suami akan mempengaruhi seluruh aspek kehidupan Anda. Selain keselamatan, tidak ada hal jangka panjang lainnya yang dapat mengubah begitu banyak aspek kehidupan Anda dengan sangat dalam. Berikut ini adalah beberapa hal di dalam pernikahan yang akan mempengaruhi setiap aspek dari kehidupan Anda:

1. Pernikahan akan mempengaruhi Anda secara rohani.

Jika sang pria bukan orang ‘percaya’, Anda bisa menghentikannya sekarang. Anda tidak memiliki kewajiban untuk menyatukan “jiwa yang telah ditebus” dengan seseorang yang ‘tidak’, bahkan jika ia terbuka untuk perubahan. Kristus sudah membayar Anda dengan harga mahal dan itu bukan sebuah pilihan untuk menyia-nyikan darah-Nya dengan bersama seseorang yang bahkan tidak mengenal dan mencintai Tuhan Anda. Hal ini dapat melumpuhkan perkembangan kehidupan rohani Anda, membuka lebar banyak godaan, memadamkan kehidupan doa Anda, membuat kegiatan ibadah ke gereja menjadi sulit, dan menyebabkan sumber konflik pengasuhan jika Anda memiliki buah hati.

Jika sang pria adalah seorang ‘percaya’, Apakah dia cukup kuat? Akankah dia memimpin Anda di dalam doa, membaca Kitab suci, Saat teduh keluarga, dan Pujian Penyembahan? Atau Akankah Anda akan melakukan semuanya sendiri? Apakah ia akan membuat pertumbuhan rohani sebagai yang utama atau malah mendahulukan hal lain? Apakah ia akan peduli dengan keadaan jiwa Anda, lalu ia akan membantu Anda bertumbuh di dalam kekudusan dan kasih Tuhan, atau akankah ia meninggalkan Anda kepada Pastor Anda? Apakah ia akan memimpin anak-anak mengenai hal ini atau apakah Anda harus menjadi pemimpinnya? Di dalam gereja, apakah ia akan membantu anak-anak kalian duduk dengan baik, berdoa, dan bernyanyi, atau akankan Anda yang harus menjadi seseorang yang menunjukkan bagaimana seharusnya? Banyak wanita telah  menikah dengan pria yang belum dewasa secara rohani, dan berpikir bahwa itu bukan persoalan besar, atau berpikir bahwa pria tersebut akan berubah, dan pada akhirnya mereka salah. Mereka berakhir dengan menahan semua sakit dan luka.

Jaminan kehidupan kekekalan Anda dipertaruhkan.

Pikirkan kembali !

[bersambung…]

Translated  by: MerryREMA

Author: © Rebecca VanDoodewaard

RVD in MARRIAGE,WOMEN

Jesus is always the lover of your soul ♥

Rather you get married or buried first, one fact will always remain. You will eventually be caught up in the air with Jesus. The lover of your soul. ♥

Isaiah 61:10 

I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For He has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of His righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. 

You are a bride in His eyes always... ^_^

HOW DO I CHOOSE A SPOUSE ?

HOW DO I CHOOSE A SPOUSE?

Give me some practical suggestions for the selection of a husband. I sure want to get it right and don't think I should depend just on looks or personality. What are the factors I should consider before saying "I do"?

Let me list a few things that you might want to consider:

1. A Sunday school teacher gave me some advice when I was thirteen years of age that I never forgot. He said, "Don't marry the person you think you can live with. Marry the one you can't live without." There's great truth in this advice. Marriage can be difficult even when two people are passionately in love with one another. It is murder when they don't have that foundation to build on.

2. Don't marry someone who has characteristics that you feel are intolerable. You may plan to change him or her in the future, but that probably won't happen. Behavior runs in deep channels that were cut during early childhood, and it is very difficult to alter them. In order to change a deeply ingrained pattern, you have to build a sturdy dam, dig another canal, and reroute the river in the new direction. That effort is rarely successful over the long haul. 

Therefore, if you can't live with a characteristic that shows up during courtship, it may plague you for the rest of your life. For example, a person who drinks every night is not likely to give up that habit after the honeymoon. If he or she is foolish with money or is basically unclean or tends to get violent when irritated or is extremely selfish, these are red flags you should not ignore. What you see is what you get.

Of course, we all have flaws, and I'm not suggesting that a person has to be perfect to be a candidate for marriage. Rather, my point is that you have to decide if you can tolerate a quirky behavior for the rest of your life-- because that's how long you may have to deal with it. If you can't, don't bank on deprogramming the partner after you've said "I do." I advise you to keep your eyes wide open before marriage and then half-closed thereafter.

3. Do not marry impulsively! I can think of no better way to mess up your life than to leap into this critical decision without careful thought and prayer. It takes time to get acquainted and to walk through the early stages of the bonding process. Remember that the dating relationship is designed to conceal information, not reveal it. Both partners put on their best faces for the one they seek to attract. They guard the secrets that might be a turnoff. Therefore, many newlyweds get a big surprise during the first year of married life. I suggest that you take at least a year to get beyond the facade and into the inner character of the person.

4. If you are a deeply committed Christian, do not allow yourself to become "unequally yoked" with an unbeliever. You may expect to win your spouse to the Lord at some future date, and that does happen on occasion. But to count on it is risky at best, foolhardy at worst. Again, this is the question that must be answered: "Just how critical is it that my husband (or wife) shares my faith?" If it is essential and nonnegotiable, as the Scriptures tell us it should be for believers, then that matter should be given the highest priority in one's decision to marry.

5. Do not move in with a person before marriage. To do so is a bad idea for many reasons:

• First, it is immoral and a violation of God's law.

• Second, it undermines a relationship and often leads to divorce. Studies show that couples who live together before marriage have a 50 percent greater chance of divorce than those who don't, based on fifty years of data.* Those who cohabit also have less satisfying and more unstable marriages. Why? The researchers found that those who had lived together later regretted having "violated their moral standards," and "felt a loss of personal freedom to exit out the back door." 

• Furthermore, and in keeping with the theme of marital bonding, they have "stolen" a level of intimacy that is not warranted at that point, nor has it been validated by the degree of commitment to one another. As it turns out, God's way is not only the right way--it is the healthiest for everyone concerned.

6. Don't get married too young. Those who wed between the ages of fourteen and seventeen are twice as likely to divorce as couples who wait until their twenties. Making it as a family requires some characteristics that come with maturity, such as selflessness, stability, and self-control. It's best to wait for their arrival.

7. Finally, I'll conclude with the ultimate secret of lifelong love. Simply put, the stability of marriage is a by-product of an iron-willed determination to make it work. If you choose to marry, enter into that covenant with the resolve to remain committed to each other for life. Never threaten during angry moments to leave your mate. Don't allow yourself to consider even the possibility of divorce. Calling it quits must not become an option for those who want to go the distance!

-Dr. Dobson 

© Family Talk Weekends with Dr. James Dobson

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Footnotes

*Larry L. Bumpass, James A. Sweet, and Andrew Cherlin, “The Role of Cohabitation in Declining Rates of Marriage,” Journal of Marriage and the Family 53 (1991): 913–927.