"Love and Respect" Dr. Emerson Eggerichs ♥

Women need LOVE, and MEN need RESPECT

PART 1

PART 2

MUST LISTEN! "How to Find Your One True Love" ♥ [Audio preaching by Brother Phakist]

Audio Preaching: "How To Find Your One True Love" ♥

By: Brother Kurnadi 'Phakist' Halim

*Alasan Tuhan Allah menciptakan Adam dan Hawa.

*4 Tahapan dalam mencari pasangan.

*6 Pandangan yang salah dalam relasi lawan jenis.

*How do we know She/He is the right one for us.

PART  1

PART  2

"Guarding your heart"

I was asked not too long ago what guard your heart really means. The answer isn’t cut and dry, especially because each of us has different experiences, different relationships, different baggage, etc. However, when asked this question, I attempted to answer with an analogy that I’d like to share with you now. I told the young woman who asked me the question the following:

Imagine that your heart is inside a giant mansion. Imagine that at the outskirts of the mansion there’s a guard tower with an armed guard inside. Surrounding the mansion is a 15′-high electrified fence. Inside the fence are several Dobermans who haven’t eaten lately. On this side of the dogs is a large, triple-thick, rock wall with a gate that has a special code used to get in. Inside the rock wall is a large bullet-proof metal door with 7 deadbolts.

Now imagine that you’re early in a relationship with a man. Guarding your heart is prudently allowing the guard to take an extended leave of absence. The fence is still electrified, the dogs are still there, the gate is still down and the door is still locked – 7 times no less. The man gets a little closer to your heart, but still doesn’t have unlimited access. Little by little you reduce the security and over time, through prudent thinking and decision making, you begin to allow the man closer to your heart and allow him to have more access to you. He gazes into your heart from a distance… sort of like looking through the windows of the mansion… and from his gaze, he begins to learn about your heart. Seeing into the heart is different than having unabated access to the heart. The only time a man should have this unabated access to a woman’s heart is when she is his spouse.

For many people, it may seem too hard to guard their heart. For many people, it may seem too late to guard their heart. If pain from relationships-gone-bad, lack of trust after a break up (or after every break up) and utter disappointment in relationships in general is fun for you, then keep up the common mistakes, and lack of protection for your heart. If, however, you come to understand that your heart is worth guarding because you are a precious daughter of God and because you deserve only the best in life, then take the necessary steps to start guarding your heart now. If a man in your life is too close to your heart (or maybe inside the mansion), do what’s best for you and ask him to take a few steps back. It will be hard at first, and may even seem pointless, but in the long run, it will be a blessing. Trust me.

The analogy is based on the context of a romantic relationship; keep in mind that we should each be guarding our hearts from evil, sin, and unclean-outside influences as well. This analogy doesn’t explain the entire story about guarding your heart… but points to the reality of the importance and value of the heart of a woman.

By Dave DiNuzzo Sr. | Guest Blogger

"10 reasons you still feel lonely."

Going through a rough patch? Here are 10 reasons you still feel lonely.

1. You’re basing your worth off the opinions of others.

2. You’re waiting for other people to make you feel better.

3. You’re hoping a relationship will fix your problems.

4. You haven’t learned how to love and value yourself.

5. You have yet to forgive yourself of your past mistakes.

6. You have never learned to share how you’re truly feeling.

7. You’re spending too much time thinking about your failures.

8. You’re convinced that your life has no purpose.

9. You haven’t learned to let go of the past and embrace God’s grace.

10. You are allowing your emotions to control major life decisions.

Between the ages of 13-18, I dealt with severe depression and anxiety. Although those were some of the darkest years of my life, I learned that these 10 reasons were honest attributes to why I continued to feel lonely in my time of need. I hope these help you or someone you know.

By Jarrid Wilson

"What To Look For In A Man?"

Written by Joy Mendoza (wife of Edric)

In the book of Proverbs there is a verse that says a man should rejoice in the wife of his youth. But I think of it from the perspective of a woman and I rejoice in the husband of my youth. Marriage has been such an adventure with Edric, from it’s tumultuous yet romantic beginnings, growing up together, sharing ministries and passions, and now…five kids later. Sometimes, we look around the table at our children’s little faces and ask ourselves, “Do we really have five?!”

I have no regrets about marrying young because I married the right person. Single women have asked me if I could talk about this topic. So I’m going to venture back to my pre-marriage days. With the added wisdom of the present, I hope these insights will give perspective on what to look for in a man.

First, let me clarify when I use the phrase “what to look for.” I don’t ascribe to the idea that a woman should go around prowling for a man. It’s not feminine. A man may be flattered by the attention of an attractive woman but she will not be able to hold his interest forever. No matter what society does to reverse the roles of man and woman, certain truths remain. A real man wants the challenge of pursuing a woman he is interested in. I like how author John Eldredge puts it, men want a “beauty to rescue.”

So, when I say “what to look for,” it’s more about having a conscious list a woman can refer to, something to sift through the dross of suitors who do not fit the bill. But, a word of caution. This list doesn’t have to be so exhaustive that there is no man on the planet that can meet all 100 requirements. May I suggest a few things that really matter, the “non-negotiables.” Looking back, these are the things that made a positive difference in my own marriage.

Remember, this isn’t the Bible. A woman has to develop her own convictions. But I would like to think that this short list can provide a thoughtful start.

1. A God-fearing man who has a personal, growing relationship with Christ. This is number one. If a man truly loves the Lord, he will want to please him. In marriage, this translates to a man who will commit to faithfulness, a man who will be willing to change for the better. He doesn’t have to be a bible teacher or a preacher. But if he has, at his core, the desire to follow God with all of his heart, he will also take care of his wife’s heart.

Edric wasn’t teaching the bible when we got married. I could’ve compared him to my preacher/teacher father and thought, he should be like my dad. But I knew that Edric had something fundamentally important – he loved God. I knew that since the Holy Spirit was at work in his heart, he would become the man God wanted him to be and the husband I needed him to be.

Even though our marriage begun with a colossal clash in personalities, Edric became better and better over the years. He developed an even greater desire to put God at the centre of our marriage. He committed to fulfill his biblical role as leader, lover, and provider. God also gave him the patience to help me grow as a wife!

Furthermore, he had the fear of the Lord in him. So I wasn’t afraid that he would go off and cheat on me or lie to me. Even though he struggled with the same temptations any man would, I learned to put my trust in God. I prayed for him to remain faithful to me. (I still do!) By God’s grace, Edric has stayed faithful and given me no heartache in this aspect.

A lot of women crush on Edric, especially now that he is a public figure on TV. And some of them even tell me they wish they can marry someone like him. (Only in the Philippines!) Yes, he is good looking, especially to me, but what makes Edric special is Christ.

2. Hard-working and responsible. Not every man is a millionaire. But they don’t need to have a fat bank account to be marriage-material. For as long as they understand the value of hard work and their role to provide for the needs of their future family, then God will bless their efforts. Of course a woman needs to adjust her own expectations. She has to be willing to simplify her lifestyle.

When Edric and I were starting out, we hardly had anything, monetarily speaking. But we had enough to get a place to live in and to cover our expenses. (We weren’t recklessly romantic. Edric made sure he had what we needed to get started.)

We had a very simple lifestyle. It was an adjustment for me at first because I was used to having my own car, traveling, and not having to worry about budgets. Although I didn’t expect to have the same standard of living when I got married, I missed some conveniences and comforts of my single life. But I never felt like I traded that life for a substandard version. I was willing to go through anything with Edric because I loved him and trusted his leadership. I couldn’t imagine a better life without him. There was never a time when I doubted that he would take care of me. First, I knew that he loved God. And, as witness to holiness in his private life I knew there was nothing in his life to exempt him from being blessed. Second, he tried his best to be a good provider so I knew God would make sure we never went hungry.

The added bonus of not having much to begin with made Edric and I careful about our spending decisions. We couldn’t be lavish. We had to be thrifty. Edric was genetically wired to be frugal but I needed training in this area. So God used this season to mature both of us. He taught us what it meant to be a steward of his resources and to trust him for our daily bread.

3. A good set of friends. The company a man keeps is pretty defining. If a guy hangs out with fools and drunks, well, that has got to make an impact on his own value system. Proverbs 13:20 says, He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

I knew Edric’s friends. They were nice guys. They didn’t party or mess around with girls. Edric’s friends mattered to me because we would be hanging out with the same set of friends in marriage. Furthermore, I knew that these men played a big role in Edric’s life and they were an influence to him.

Up till this day, we spend time with his “barkada” and we share many common principles about marriage and raising children. And on days when Edric is hanging out with the boys, I don’t have to worry that they are going to go off and do something stupid. I have peace.

4. Parent-approved. I praise God I married into a wonderful family. Edric’s family accepted me as their daughter and sister with open arms. If Edric’s parents had disapproved of me, I wouldn’t have married him. I wouldn’t have dated him either! And if my parents had not given Edric their blessing to marry me, we wouldn’t have gotten married.

Having been privy to many of the marriage counseling cases my parents dealt with over the years, I knew that parental blessing was a key factor in the success of any marriage. Many of the couples who had marital problems began without the blessing of their parents. There are consequences for dismissing the biblical principle of obeying and honoring parents. But, on the positive side, the Bible says “it will go well” with those who listens to their parents.

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” (Exodus 20:12)

Both my sisters, Candy and Carolyn, are married to amazing guys. In a sense, they were “hand-picked” by my father. But I will talk about Carolyn’s husband first.

Carolyn did not really have marriage on her radar. She was busy with med school and music ministry. It was my dad who asked her to consider Joel. And it was my brother, Paul, who encouraged Joel to pursue her. Carolyn opened her heart to the idea and not too long after they were dating, God led them to marriage with the full blessing of both sets of parents. Today, they are happily married, expecting their first child, and Joel is really the perfect match for Carolyn. He brings out the best in her and vice-versa. Together they serve the Lord faithfully and have a loving, Christ-centered marriage.

5. A man who has a compass. It’s scary to entrust your life into the hands of a man who has absolutely no idea what he wants to do with his own! We should get a clue from the animal kingdom. The female goes with the mate she feels most secure with, the one who proves that he can take care of her and their offspring.

One of the things I really admired about Edric when we were dating was he knew what he wanted. He sat me down when and talked about his 5-year, 10-year plan. Did he have everything figured out? Nope. But there was a plan and I knew where I fit into the plan. I anticipated that there would be bumps along the way but I wasn’t afraid. His compass was pointing in the right direction. I was confident that he would be able to lead me and lead our children.

Just look at him handle a map… Doesn’t he look like knows what he is doing? (Such an unnecessary photo at this point but I just wanted to put a picture of him in this post.)

Over the years, Edric’s 10-year plan got revised a couple of times but always for the better, because God was changing it for his purposes. We’ve gone through some tough times in our marriage and every now and then, these obstacles and challenges present themselves again. However, my trust and confidence are in the Lord who is the center of our relationship. I know Edric walks with him, and I’m trying my best to do the same. Therefore, the present and future glimmer with hope.

If I had married a man whose life-goals were secular, worldly, and whose choices did not honor God, I would feel very insecure about the present and future. (I am saying this to singles people who have not yet committed themselves to a life partner. However, if you are married to the kind of man I have just described, don’t lose heart…with God, nothing is impossible. Pray, pray, pray, and exemplify Christ-likeness in your own home as a testimony to your husband.)

For my single friends, don’t be suckered and waste time giving your heart to a man who has the potential to shatter it. Pay attention to the signs… If you know that a guy has a history of promiscuity and is also sleeping with you, whose idea of fun is getting drunk with his buddies, who has a bad temper, who has no spiritual appetite for God or his word, whose life goals are worldly and devoid of the desire to please God, who tends to make choices that are self-serving…hmmm…wisely consider this reality: Married men don’t miraculously change their ways. They need a heart transplant, in the spiritual sense!

Women don’t have the expertise to rescue a person like that. It takes the Lord. So we are better off waiting for that moment to happen way before any sort of commitment is made or moving on entirely.

Good looks, athleticism, charm, wealth, popularity — traits that women tend to find attractive — can camouflage the real man. So pray for discernment. Be realistic about 10 to 20 years from now and ask yourself, is this the kind of man I want to give my heart to and raise children with? Are our values aligned?

Let’s not trade the more valuable qualities for the lesser, temporal ones that may even become our very source of pain. Imagine how sad it would be to marry a handsome and rich man who peacocks himself to other women!

Furthermore, we need to be “femininely” investigative. Use those powers of observation to see how a man responds to stress, relates with people (especially his family), spends or invests his money, uses his time, and follows through when assigned a task in ministry or his job. If he belongs to an accountability group, or a discipleship group, as we call it in our church, gather some information about him through discreet sources. If he owns his own company, find out what his business ethics are like and what others have to say about him. It’s common to be so enthralled by a person and get smoke-screened by traits that we find so attractive. But we have to look deeper and pay attention to what surrounds a man – the people, the history, the influences, the circumstances. What impact does he have on others and how is he impacted by the world around him? What choices define him?

When my sister, Candy, was interested in a guy while she was at dental school in San Francisco, she wanted my parents to meet him. Candy thought he was a nice guy — good-looking, musically inclined, intelligent. She was raving about him and talking about how amazing he was. But she wanted to see what my parents thought. So they took her and her boyfriend out to dinner. During dinner, my parents asked Candy’s boyfriend a lot of questions, particularly about his plans and what he wanted to do with his life. During this dinner the poor guy hardly ate, but it proved to be a very critical moment for Candy. She realized that he wasn’t the kind of man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. He had no compass.

Later on, my dad suggested that she consider Jeff (her husband today). Jeff wasn’t an option at the time because he was in a relationship. But my father said, “He’s not yet married!” In other words, there was still hope. Not too long after, Jeff got out of his relationship and started hanging out with Candy. Their friendship blossomed into a romantic one and well, long story short, they are married with two sons and another baby on the way. Both of them love God and have a great marriage. Oh, and the cutest sons!

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I’ve laid out the non-negotiables and it’s up to single women to fill in their “negotiables.” This can be anything from the color of a guy’s hair, to his height and build, to the sport he plays, to hobbies, to sense of humour. The list can go on and on (hopefully not too long! Does it really matter what color a guy’s hair is unless you are really big on genes and chromosomes?!)

Be encouraged…It may seem harder and harder to meet a man with outstanding qualities, but remember, there is no telling what a man can become and accomplish when his heart belongs to Christ, especially when he marries someone who strongly supports, faithfully prays, and positively affirms him. At the onset this man may not fit the image of one who has it allby worldly measures, but the potential for extraordinary lies in the inner man. And it is a wise woman who is able to discern this and a prized wife who is able to encourage it.

"Ladies, Here are 5 Things Jesus can teach about your future husband."

Here are 5 things Jesus can teach you about your future husband:

1. Purity

Any man who deserves to marry you should honor and respect your purity. Although everyone has made mistakes, purity before marriage is an important aspect of anyone who is looking to have a relationship that honors Jesus. Purity paves the way to intimacy.

1 Timothy 5:2 – Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters.

2. Kindness

A kind man is the type of man you bring home to mom and dad. Kindness is key to any thriving relationship and marriage. Don’t just look at kindness as someone who is nice, but instead someone who is slow to anger in times of trouble. Kindness is key.

Galatians 5:22-23 – But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

3. Respect

Respect in any relationship is key. Any man who can respect you no matter the circumstance, is a man worth giving your time and energy to. Not only is respect something that will spill over to other aspects of your relationship, but any man who knows the value of respect will know how to treat his future wife in a way that is reflective of Jesus himself.

Philippians 2:3 – Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself.

4. Patience

Patience is one of the those things everyone talks about wanting in a man, but I think many don’t actually know what they are asking for when they say it. A man after God’s own heart will not only be patient amidst everyday aspects of life, but will also be patient when it comes to the speed in which your relationship moves.

Isaiah 40:31 – Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

5. Honesty

Honestly can make or break any relationship, no matter how strong. Any man you are considering “marriage material” should be a man who has the utmost integrity in what he says and does. Honesty goes a long way, and it’s always wonderful to know that you can trust anything your future husband says.

Proverbs 6:13 – Righteous lips are the delight of a king, and he loves him who speaks what is right.

by Jarrid Wilson

"How to Attract the Right Kind of Man" ♥

What does a good guy look for in a woman?

Someone who will follow his leading. Yep. I wasn’t surprised to get this one as an answer. Men naturally like to lead and they want a woman who will trust and respect them to do so. No matter how society reverses the roles of men and women, God’s design still stands. A man is called to headship in a marriage.

One of the guys clarified that it doesn’t mean a woman can’t have an opinion. In fact, he welcomes this. Men don’t want a woman who is always patronizing them. However, at the end of the day, if a man has to make a decision and a woman doesn’t completely agree, will she support him? This is what counts. Will she be willing to yield her will in favor of his, trusting that God has spoken through her husband?

This is important in marriage because you can’t have two heads going in different directions. Think about it…two heads on one body is also known as a MONSTER. God has given men the responsibility of leadership in a marriage. He has uniquely made a woman to be a compliment to a man. A woman’s role is invaluable – her support, encouragement, insightfulness, and prayer will be key to her husband’s effective leadership.

A positive, joyful person. Men don’t want a woman who will drag them down with their moodiness, irritation, expectations, and negativity. If a man is going to settle down with someone FOREVER, let her not be a grumpy, moody, self-absorbed person who will drain the life out of him! Oh my.

I’ve fallen into that mode a couple of times and it is not attractive to Edric. Men go to happy hour to get away from a woman like that. They want someone who will encourage, build up, and affirm them. For example, if a man makes a mistake (and he will in marriage, that’s a given and so will we!), he doesn’t want to hear a lecture or a 10-point sermon on what he did wrong and how he can correct his error. He doesn’t want to be yelled at, criticized or belittled either. What he does want to hear is, “Hon, I forgive you. I believe in you. I know God is going to help us get through this.”

Is this asking too much? I don’t think so. After 12 years of marriage, I know how powerful statements like that can be. As women, we have a way with words. We can target our statements to cut through a person. In fact, we can destroy a man and turn their heart away from us when we say things like, What’s wrong with you?! What were you thinking?! That was really stupid! This is all your fault! I should’ve never married you! I was better off single! And on and on…

The Bible says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” (Proverbs 18:21)

We need to carefully consider the words we say and filter them to make sure they build up and don’t tear down. No guy wants to end up with a woman who will keep highlighting his present mistakes or resurrect his past failures.

“It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” (Proverbs 21:19)

A good guy is looking for a woman who will encourage him to trust in God, who will keep him hopeful about the future, and remind him that she is right there with him, willing to move towards it together, for better or for worse!

I like what my dad had to say about my mom, “She is flexible and easy to please. Anywhere is fine as long as she is with me.” He also added, “I pity the man who marries a woman who is difficult to please!”

Physically attractive. Before you react, let’s dissect this a little. God first presented Eve to Adam visually. Almost all the men I know (the good guys and the bad boys) notice what a woman looks like. In fact, this is often what gets their attention at the beginning. But after hearing the opinions of the men I interviewed, it was comforting to know that they don’t all share the same preferences for physical attributes.

One guy said, “I like legs and I got a wife who is 60% legs.” Another guy jokingly quipped, “It wouldn’t hurt if she looked like a Victoria Secret model.” (Good luck!) Yet another one said, “femininity and poise, a woman who is lady-like in her behavior and demeanor.”

When it comes to outward beauty, it can be very subjective. This means there is no ONE type that will appeal to every single man on the planet. So let’s celebrate our uniqueness because it is God given. At the same time, there are attributes that are considered universally appealing which we can do something about. Here are some examples: clear skin and vibrant hair, feminine curves, fitness, posture, bearing, smile, a positive body-image, confidence, hygiene, and grooming.

We need to do our best to look our best. If we need to change our diet and start an exercise program then let’s get started. If this means we have to pluck our eyebrows and wear deodorant, hey, it’s about time. If this means we need to update our wardrobe because our closet is a collection of ratty T-shirts from high school, then we need to go out and get something nice.

It doesn’t cost that much to look put-together. My mom and I enjoy bargain shopping. We are able to find stylish clothing just about anywhere without having to spend a fortune. We cut each other’s hair, too! (Okay, I probably need to get my hair professionally cut soon.) I’m sharing these little secrets because I am glad my mom is simple. She never bought a single designer bag or designer pair of shoes, so I wasn’t wired that way either. But she taught me a lot about how to sit, stand, walk, and how to dress like a lady.

A good guy has radars that alert him to avoid high maintenance women. Men can tell if a woman is overly concerned about her physical appearance. One of the interviewees said, “A woman needs to be content with herself so that she doesn’t feel the need to buy expensive clothing or wear a lot of make-up to make her feel beautiful.” (Paraphrased) Okay, I understand where he is coming from but praise God someone brilliant invented the “no-make-up-make-up” look! Ssh.

The focus of trying to look our best shouldn’t be, “I need to do this to get a guy but rather, I need to put effort into taking care of the face and body God has given me because I reflect him.”

And on that note, let me add that if we want to represent Christ, let’s wear clothing that highlights beauty but doesn’t sexualize us. If you don’t know if something is too sexy, ask your brother or your father! That’s right, go ahead. My older brother used to ban me from wearing all kinds of clothing.

As a married woman, Edric helps me a lot. He will tell me if I am wearing an outfit that isn’t appropriate because it draws the wrong kind of attention. And speaking of attention…when it comes to physical attractiveness, let’s remember that the motivation should be to attract people to the person in us – Christ – and not to pursue and obsess about being attractive. Honestly, the most attractive women I know and admire are those who are spirit-filled and radiate Christ-likeness.

I like how one of the guys put it, “The physical rates very high with men, but it’s definitely not number one after you get married.” He went on to explain that a really beautiful woman has depth. There’s a depth to who she is and it is anchored on who she is in Christ. This is not to say that it doesn’t matter to a man that his wife tries her best to stay attractive, but as the Bible says, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30)

Someone he can connect with and enjoy activities with. Being able to engage one another in conversation, meeting each other intellectually, having common passions, hobbies, interests or shared ministries…these things add dimension to a relationship. A guy wants his life partner to be a companion he can have fun with and DO things with. In fact, if a gal plays sports and is game for an adventure it’s a plus.

My brother, Paul, and his sister-in-law, Jenny, are both athletic. In fact, they seem to breed athletes. My nephew, Caleb, turned over at just a few weeks! Since Paul and Jenny are into fitness and sports, they can play golf together, run, bike, swim, and if Paul is lucky, he can even get Jenny to play basketball once in a while. Recently, they even mounted a Fitness Retreat for athletes. She’s pregnant right now so after this season, she will be up and about her activities with him again. But it’s great that their common interests get them to bond with one another and their kids.

Furthermore, if a woman uses her gifts and abilities to serve the Lord and others that’s a plus-plus. A good man will be drawn to a woman who invests her life in blessing those around her versus someone who is self-absorbed, spends too much time on Facebook and Instagrams herself all the time.

“Get along with his parents.” Who wants the added stress of having to manage their parents’ perception of the woman they are interested in? Stretch that across a lifetime and it’s not pleasant to keep trying to convince your parents that you married the right person.

I have a friend who is absolutely loved by her mother-in-law. Before she was married, she would bring food over to her boyfriend’s house and spend time with his mother when she was invited over. So very early on, she won the favor of her mother-in-law.

In our family, all my sisters-in-law are dearly loved, too. My brothers made sure that my parents got to meet them before they committed their hearts. So during family gatherings, it’s wonderful that everyone gets along and shares common values. Conversations are free-flowing, no one has to be “on their guard,” and we exchange a whole lot of laughter.

Most important of all…A committed follower of Jesus. According to one of the interviewees, “When a woman loves the Lord, the rest follows – obedience, submission, gentleness of spirit…”

One of the couples in our discipleship group (a small group for couples) had a pretty rocky start. Both the husband and wife would criticize each other in public and they would shout at one another during fights in private. However, both of them had a relationship with Jesus. When they began to take their spiritual growth seriously, there was a very noticeable change in the way they treated each other. The wife became sweeter, more respectful and submissive toward her husband. In fact, she made a 180-degree turn from the person she used to be.

So many conflicts in marriage need spiritual solutions. Furthermore, when children come into the picture, it matters that both husband and wife share the same biblical values. Otherwise, they will be contradicting one another’s parenting style and challenging one another’s decisions when it comes to child-rearing.

Before I end this entry, I want to insert some of my own take-it-or-leave-it tips on what is attractive in a woman. I’m no love-guru. But I believe there is an art to the kind of womanhood that men are drawn to and it largely has to do with behaving like a lady, a feminine one.

In no particular order…

1. Wear dresses and skirts more often than pants. It sounds silly but it makes a difference.

2. Stand straight. Don’t slouch. Walk with good posture.

3. Don’t play head games with a guy, acting like you are interested in him one day and ignoring him the next. If you like him, smile at him, talk to him when he talks to you. Don’t send mixed signals. Guys don’t do well with mixed signals.

4. If he has already expressed interest in you, reciprocate interest if you like him. You don’t always have to wait for him to come up to you and make the first move. You can wave hello or initiate conversation. Just be natural about it and don’t do it ALL the time.

5. Have a life of your own that doesn’t revolve around his. Let him miss you. You don’t have to see him every single day. You don’t have to text him, call him, message him, and send him photos every other hour.

6. Don’t be clingy and selfish. If he wants to hang out with his guy friends or he has something he has to do that doesn’t include you, don’t make him choose and don’t impose rules on him. Be happy for him and give him his space. Be busy doing your own thing.

7. Pursue your ministry calling, hobbies, work, and interests. It makes you multi-faceted and more fascinating (but don’t do it for this reason!)

8. When he starts to open up to you and share his dreams, his frustrations, his goals, etc., be a good listener, someone he can confide in.

9. Preserve an amount of mystery. This is different than playing games. Don’t always volunteer information about yourself unless he asks. And if he does, give it to him in regulated doses so there’s always something more to discover.

10. Be grateful and appreciative for the things he does for you, and compliment him when it’s appropriate.

11. Show off some of your domestic skills (if you are pretty confident about them). Cook him a meal, or bake him some brownies.

12. Be game for adventure and activity. Don’t act like you are going to break your nails if he wants to take you hiking. Be fun!

13. Be thoughtful and considerate. For example, don’t be late or make him wait for you. Another example is when he has a rough day, send him a word of encouragement.

14. Pray for him. Ask him how you can pray for him.

15. Love God more than you love him. Don’t compromise your values or principles for him. Set boundaries when it comes to the physical.

16. Be complete in Christ. Don’t look to a guy to complete you.

In fact, I want to end with that thought. There’s something that you absolutely need to know. God loves you. Live to please him first. Don’t take this article and think, “Yes, this is how to snag a husband who will love me and take care of me.” You don’t need a man to complete you or make you whole. You are beautiful just as you are because you were made by God. He created you for a special purpose and your best life is found in pursuing this purpose. If that includes getting married, then praise God. If not, he has something better in store for you. But just remember, married or single, an attractive woman is one who is content, at peace, and joyful in the Lord!

NOVEMBER 25, 2013 BY JOY T MENDOZA

"10 WAYS TO KNOW YOU’RE DATING A TRUE GENTLEMAN"

10 WAYS TO KNOW YOU’RE DATING A TRUE GENTLEMAN

November 6, 2013 · by James Michael Sama · in Dating & Relationships. ·

A man may be able to put across a great image, but it could simply be a cover for hidden shortcomings, or he could just be totally faking it to ‘get the girl.’

Here are some ways to know if you’ve struck gold:

1. A true gentleman values more than just your looks.

Is every compliment from him about a different body part? It doesn’t matter how creative he can be, if a guy’s sole focus is on how you look, or ‘talking dirty,’ see it as a red flag. A real man will value your personality, your kindness, your intelligence, and who you are as a person, in general. The things he makes you feel good about will be things that you control, not just results of getting lucky in the gene pool.

2. A true gentleman will never be intimidated by your motivation.

A man who has goals for himself, will want to be with a woman who has goals for her own life, too. He will never feel intimidated or threatened by a woman who goes after what she wants. He will want to be part of a power couple, rather than a dictatorship. Be mindful of anyone who tries to keep you from pursuing your dreams

3. A true gentleman will have more interests than just you.

I don’t mean this in a negative way. You should, of course, be a priority in his life – but he needs to have a life as well. Interests, friends, hobbies, aspirations. If a man works his entire life around you, it’s another red flag – relationships should be a great part of your life, but not encompass your whole life.

4. A true gentleman will give you answers.

No matter how awkward or uncomfortable a situation is, a real man will approach it, and you, with respect. I have always felt that a mark of a man is how he handles conflict, criticism, and less-than-ideal situations. A man will not dance around answers or make excuses. If there is something you two need to talk about, he will talk about it.

5. A true gentleman is direct.

In addition to the last point – there will be no mind games or manipulation in your relationship. A man will be direct, to the point, and honest with you…but with kindness.

6. A true gentleman will trust you.

As long as you haven’t betrayed his trust, a man will NOT be paranoid, or snoop around invading your privacy to make sure you’re not doing anything bad. He will have confidence in your relationship. A boy will project his own insecurities onto you, and like termites in a house, will eat away at the foundation of what you’ve built.

7. A true gentleman is cool, calm, and collected.

It should be understood that part of what comes with the territory of having a girlfriend, is dealing with her getting hit on. If you’re at the bar together, or if she’s out with her friends, it goes without saying that your girlfriend will get hit on every once in awhile.

Instead of letting his primate instincts prevail and beating his chest like an angry gorilla to scare off competition, a confident man will calmly make his position known, and understand that you’re still going home with him at the end of the night.

8. A true gentleman will show you respect.

Nothing signifies an empty shell of a man more than someone who disrespects women, animals, or children. A good man will treat you with the respect that you deserve, never force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, and never mistreat you. Be honest enough with yourself to walk away from any situation that is dangerous to you, physically or emotionally.

9. A true gentleman will put effort into your relationship.

Boys are generally apathetic and just look for one thing from a woman. A man, will do what it takes to make you happy, both inside and outside of the bedroom. Your happiness, is his reward.

10. A true gentleman will make you want to be the best version of yourself, without changing who you really are.

A man will empower those around him. He will strive for greatness and therefore inspire others to strive for it as well. This not only includes friends and co-workers, but also significant others.

As Mark Twain said - Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

If you do have one of these men in your life, make sure he knows he is appreciated.

"5 things to do while you're SINGLE"

Being single isn’t a disease, It’s an opportunity for you to grow, learn, and experience life in a way that you won’t be able to when you are married.

Here are 5 things to do while you’re single:

1. Be firm in your faith. 

- Build your faith on a foundation that cannot be shaken, no matter whom you encounter. This will not only bring you peace during your season of singleness, but will also help you in your journey of finding the person you plan on being with for the rest of your life.Don’t let your beliefs change depending on whom you’re trying to impress. This tactic will always come around to hurt you in the long run.

2. Get grounded in your personal identity. 

- Know who you are before trying to explain it to someone else. Be confident in your purpose, your body, your identity, and your life choices. Relationships will not fix your identity problems, but they can be an added bonus to who you are as a person.

3. Focus on school, or starting you career. 

- You have a lot of time on your hands. Instead of spending it wallowing in your singleness, GO MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF! You are worth more than what sitting on a couch waiting for your significant other makes you out to be. Step out into the world and take maturity by the horns. Start building your future instead of simply dreaming about it.

4. Learn to be independent until needed otherwise. 

- There is nothing wrong with aspiring to be a stay at home mom, or even being a man who works from home. But until either of these opportunities come into play, you need to make sure you are doing everything possible to provide for yourself, your future family, and your future aspirations. Don’t live day-to-day. Plan for the future, and look forward to the possibilities. You owe it to yourself to mature in all

5. Stop dating people you know aren’t right for you. 

- While you’re single, stay away from mindless dating experiences. If you know they aren’t your type, don’t give them the time of day. All you are going to do is hurt them and eventually confuse your heart. Stop dating the wrong people and start focusing on becoming the right person.

By Jarrid Wilson

"God's timing is always BEST. Wait on Him, and don't lose heart. Trust in His plan for your life."

By Rebecca St. James

I’m often asked how I remain patient with God’s plan for my life when I’m still single. I’ve talked so much about it, it’s no secret—eventually I want to get married. The truth is that there have been many moments when I’ve been tired of waiting for the right guy to arrive. My mum challenged me once. “You need to let go and trust God with this,” she said. I started tearing up. She was right. I asked, “How do you let go of something so important?”

Relinquishing this to God has been quite a process, but I don’t want anything for myself that God doesn’t want for me. Where are the joy and abundant life in settling for something that He doesn’t desire for my life? Releasing this was incredibly freeing. I still believe God will grant me this desire, but I will trust God either way. Until you come to that place of abandonment, the grass always looks greener on the other side. If you can’t surrender something of such importance, the danger is that when it comes you will cling to it and suffocate it, and you may end up hurting the very thing you have longed for. I now feel that I will be able to go into marriage as a whole person. A better prayer than “God, when will You bring the special guy into my life?” is “God, I don’t know what You have in mind for my future … but I await whatever it is expectantly, knowing that You know me better than I even know myself.” I don’t want any less than what God has in mind. I want the best that He has in mind.

A Couple Saves FIRST KISS for Wedding Day!

Travis and Lindsey Ray (21 and 22 years old) met a few years ago at a campus bible study. We went on our first official date on May 18th, 2012 and decided to save our first kiss for our wedding day, May 18th, 2013. 

Follow our journey at the link below.

http://www.lindseyraytheblogger.blogs...

Email me! LindseyRaytheBlogger@Yahoo.com

Facebook
www.facebook.com/LadyLindseyRay 

Videographer: Daryl Hughes
Photographer: Andre Williams lll

Thank you to EVERYONE who has supported and encouraged us along the way!
God Bless.

"Marriage is not just about finding the right mate, it is about BEING the right mate!"

"A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."

Ephesians 5:31

Did you know that 100% of marriages are imperfect? How can it be perfect when it is between two imperfect people? That’s the truth. Still many feel that they’re the exception. 

Far too many enter marriage with the idea that they will get out the moment it gets too tough or the moment something better comes along.

I have seen marriages with what would seemed like insurmountable obstacles make it and I have seen others, with far less significant problems, crumble in divorce. What’s the difference? Put simply, one couple has decided they will not take the easy way out. They are committed to making their marriage work and they will do whatever it takes to make that happen with God’s help. That’s the difference. (This does not apply to people who have had to go through divorce due to various kinds of abuse or infidelity)

Guard your relationship as though you were defending your very lives. Value your mate and value your marriage. You can make it. Not only can you survive, but you can keep your love alive.

Let Christ be central in your marriage then everything else will fall into place.

God’s standard for marriage is one man and one woman for life. Marriage is not just about finding the right mate, it is about being the right mate! <3

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"Sebab itu laki-laki akan meninggalkan ayahnya dan ibunya dan bersatu dengan isterinya, sehingga keduanya itu menjadi satu daging."

Efesus 5:31

Apakah Anda tahu bahwa 100% dari pernikahan tidak sempurna? Bagaimana bisa menjadi sempurna ketika pernikahan itu terjadi  di antara dua orang yang tidak sempurna? Itulah kenyataannya. Namun, masih banyak yang merasa bahwa mereka adalah pengecualian.

Terlalu banyak orang memasuki pernikahan dengan ide bahwa mereka akan mengalami hal yang sangat berat atau masa-masa yang lebih baik dari melajang.

Saya telah melihat banyak pernikahan dengan apa yang tampak menjadi hambatan dapat diatasi dan saya telah melihat orang lain dengan masalah yang jauh kurang signifikan, runtuh dengan perceraian. Apa bedanya? Sederhananya, salah satu pasangan telah memutuskan mereka tidak akan mengambil jalan keluar yang mudah. Mereka berkomitmen untuk membuat perkawinan mereka tetap berjalan dan mereka akan melakukan apa pun untuk membuat itu terjadi dengan bantuan Tuhan. Itulah perbedaannya. (Ini tidak berlaku untuk orang-orang yang harus melalui perceraian karena berbagai macam pelecehan atau perselingkuhan)

Jaga hubungan Anda seolah-olah Anda membela kehidupan yang sangat Anda. Hargai pasangan Anda dan pernikahan Anda. Anda dapat mewujudkannya. Tidak hanya bisa bertahan hidup, tapi Anda dapat menyimpan cinta Anda agar tetap hidup.

Biarkan Kristus menjadi yang utama dalam pernikahan Anda maka segala sesuatu yang lain akan berada dalam lindungan-Nya.

Standar Allah untuk menikah adalah seorang pria dan seorang wanita untuk selamanya. Pernikahan bukan hanya tentang menemukan pasangan yang tepat, itu adalah tentang menjadi pasangan yang tepat!

Tuhan memberkati..^_^

"You must DIVORCED from your sin, or you cannot be MARRIED to Christ." -Charles H. Spurgeon

When we ask Jesus to forgive us from our sins and come and live in our lives, we are at that point forgiven of all of our sins, He forgets them all, and we are indwelt by His Holy Spirit for the rest of our lives. We are Born Again!

When we repent of our sins, it means "to turn from" and we cannot continue in sin. Anyone who believes they can repent of sins and continue to live in sin is living a lie before God and they are not forgiven or Born Again.

There is so much false teaching about this today that people living in sin can be Christians and have Jesus in their heart. Jesus cannot live where darkness reigns, therefore we are to be crucified with Christ to our sins, be separate from sin and the world, and prove by our thinking, speech, and life that we are different than the world. We must be separate.

The world will hate us because of Jesus, we will lose family and friends for Christ's sake, but we are called to purity and Holiness, not sinful behavior and worldliness.

Stay in Church, read your Bible, pray, stay around Positive Christian friends and family, and stay AWAY from sins.

Live a life like Jesus would still live if He was on the earth and He will always be pleased with your life!

God bless you! Pastor Roger McCarthy <3

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Ketika kita meminta Yesus untuk mengampuni kita dari dosa-dosa kita dan datang dan tinggal di dalam hidup kita, kita berada pada titik yang diampuni dari semua dosa-dosa kita, Dia melupakan semua dosa-dosa kita, dan kita didiami oleh Roh Kudus-Nya selama sisa hidup kita. Kita lahir kembali !

Ketika kita bertobat dari dosa-dosa kita , itu berarti "berpaling dari " dan kita tidak bisa terus hidup dalam dosa. Siapa saja yang percaya mereka bisa bertobat dari dosa tapi terus hidup dalam dosa, berarti ia telah hidup di dalam kebohongan di hadapan Allah dan mereka tidak akan diampuni atau lahir baru kembali.

Ada begitu banyak ajaran palsu tentang hari ini bahwa orang yang hidup dalam dosa bisa menjadi orang Kristen dan memiliki Yesus dalam hati mereka . Yesus tidak bisa hidup di mana kegelapan memerintah , karena itu kita harus disalibkan dengan Kristus untuk dosa-dosa kita , terpisah dari dosa dan dunia , dan membuktikan dalam pikiran, ucapan , dan kehidupan bahwa kita berbeda dari dunia. Kita harus terpisah.

Dunia akan membenci kita karena Yesus , kita akan kehilangan keluarga dan teman-teman demi Kristus , tetapi kita dipanggil untuk kemurnian dan Kekudusan , bukan perilaku berdosa dan keduniawian .

Tinggal di dalam komunitas gereja , membaca Alkitab, berdoa , tinggal di sekitar teman-teman Kristen yang positif dan keluarga , dan tinggal jauhi dosa.

Jalani hidup seperti Yesus masih akan hidup  di bumi dan Dia akan selalu senang dengan hidup Anda !

Tuhan memberkati Anda ! 

Pastor Roger McCarthy <3

"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live in peace with others."

John 14:27 Jesus said, "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

Until you find true Peace within yourself, you will NOT find peace with others. This means in the world, at work, family, friends, if you are already married there is no peace, as real true Peace must come from the inside of you.

When you are dating, if you do not have Peace in your heart and spirit it will show in your attitude, actions, body language, and will cause issues and division.

Peace begins when you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, and not before. You may have found temporal happiness; you have not found permanent, eternal Peace without Jesus in your heart.

Once you find Jesus, He fills your life with Peace, Joy, and Happiness which you now share with others and bring smiles to their lives.

Jesus puts His Peace in your spirit so that you can let go of the past. He helps you to forgive others, and let go of baggage you have been dragging around.

Jesus is the ONLY True Peace we can find! Please find His Peace Today!
Find Jesus. Find Peace!

May the Peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you and in you.
-Pastor Roger McCarthy <3
================================
Yohanes 14:27, Yesus berkata, "Damai sejahtera Kutinggalkan bagimu, Damai sejahtera Kutinggalkan kepadamu, dan apa yang Kuberikan tidak seperti yang diberikan oleh dunia kepadamu. Janganlah gelisah dan gentar hatimu."

Sampai Anda menemukan kedamaian sejati di dalam diri Anda sendiri, Anda tidak akan menemukan kedamaian dengan orang lain. Ini berarti di dunia, di tempat kerja, keluarga, teman, jika Anda sudah menikah tidak ada kedamaian; karena kedamaian sejati yang nyata harus datang dari dalam diri Anda sendiri.

Ketika Anda berpacaran, jika Anda tidak memiliki Damai di hati dan roh, ia akan tercermin dalam sikap, tindakan, bahasa tubuh Anda, dan akan menimbulkan masalah dan perpecahan.

Kedamaian dimulai ketika Anda menerima Yesus Kristus sebagai Tuhan dan Juruselamat, dan bukan sebelumnya. Anda mungkin telah menemukan kebahagiaan duniawi; Anda belum menemukan kedamaian permanen dan abadi tanpa Yesus dalam hati Anda.

Ketika Anda menemukan Yesus, Dia mengisi hidup Anda dengan kedamaian, sukacita, dan kebahagiaan yang sekarang Anda bagikan kepada orang lain dan membawa senyuman bagi kehidupan mereka.

Yesus menempatkan Kedamaian-Nya dalam roh Anda sehingga Anda bisa melepaskan masa lalu. Dia membantu Anda untuk memaafkan orang lain, dan melepaskan bagasi yang Anda telah bawa selama ini.

Yesus adalah satu-satunya KEDAMAIAN SEJATI yang dapat kita temukan! Silakan temukan Kedamaian-Nya hari ini juga!
Cari Yesus. Temukan Kedamaian!

Semoga Damai Tuhan kita Yesus Kristus menyertai Anda dan selalu di dalam Anda.
-Pastor Roger McCarthy <3

"Someone who stays faithful to God will know how to stay faithful to you."

We all want someone faithful and loyal, right? Whether you agree to it or not we all want to feel that we can trust the person we're with, and someone who stays faithful to God. The one who TRULY faithful to God will know how to stay faithful to you.

Relationships that involve God are healthy relationships, this doesn't mean they're "better" or easier because every relationship has their ups and downs but they have a higher chance of success because they're runned by God and not the by man. Therefore, if you seek loyalty, find it in someone who is loyal to GOD first. That's true loyalty! <3
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Kita semua pasti menginginkan pasangan yang setia. Apakah Anda setuju untuk itu atau tidak kita semua pasti ingin merasa bahwa kita bisa mempercayai orang yang kita sedang bersama kita saat ini, dan seseorang yang tetap setia kepada Allah. Orang yang SUNGGUH setia kepada Allah akan tahu bagaimana untuk tetap setia kepada Anda sebagai pasangannya.

Hubungan yang melibatkan Tuhan adalah hubungan yang sehat. Walaupun ini tidak berarti bahwa hubungan mereka ini "lebih baik" atau lebih mudah, karena setiap hubungan pasti memiliki pasang surut, tetapi mereka memiliki kesempatan sukses yang lebih tinggi karena mereka berjalan dengan rencana dan kasih Tuhan dan bukan semata-mata dari pikiran manusia saja. Oleh karena itu, jika Anda mencari kesetiaan, carilah seseorang yang telah setia kepada ALLAH terlebih dahulu. Itulah kesetiaan sejati! ^_^ <3

"True manhood doesn't compromise a woman's purity."

Don't care how old you are and still single.
Wait on God and prepare yourself for that real man that you can be a good wife to him.
I say this that there are too many who have not waited long enough and got married to the wrong man and are miserable.

True manhood does not seek to compromise a woman's purity.
True manhood stands up to heroically protect it. <3
===============================
Tidak peduli berapa usia Anda saat ini atau masih lajang.
Nantikanlah Tuhan dan persiapkanlah diri untuk pria sejati itu dan menjadi istri yang baik baginya.
Aku akan mengatakan hal ini karena ada terlalu banyak yang belum menunggu cukup lama dan menikah dengan pria yang salah dan membawa pada kesengsaraan.

Seorang pria sejati yang dewasa tidak akan berusaha untuk berkompromi kemurnian wanita.
Seorang pria sejati yang dewasa berani berdiri untuk melindungi wanitanya. <3

" 35 things a wise and godly SINGLE woman should knows about a real godly man"

Dear Single Woman of God, Through my various trials and times of walking through my "stupid phase" of dating and broken relationships, I learned a few things and gleaned some valuable wisdom. I would love to share them with you to spare you any unnecessary pain, and also prevent you from wasting your precious time.

1. A wise and godly woman knows that if he isn't answering his phone or your text messages, emails, etc., he's just not that into you. Let him go. Stop waiting for that phone to ring.

2. A wise and godly woman knows that if you have to show off your cleavage and breasts to get his attention, he is not the one. Your heart and character should be what makes you attractive to him. Not your butt, breasts, hips, etc. If you dress like trash you will be treated like trash.

3. A wise and godly woman knows that if he you have to beg him to spend time with you and your kids, he's not the one. A man who really loves you will make room in his schedule for you and your children.

4. A wise and godly woman knows that if he doesn't have respect for you, your parents, his own parents or people in authority, he's not the one. A good man will respect and treat his family and people in authority honorably. He will honor his parents so that it will go well with him all his days.

5. A wise and godly woman knows that if he is leading you away from God, he is not the right one. A good man will lead you closer to the Lord. He will attend church with you, read the word, worship God on a daily basis. His conduct and actions will reflect his relationship with God. He will inspire you to grow spiritually.

6. A wise and godly woman knows that she can't make him be ready to be husband material. He either is or isn't. Don't waste your time trying to change him. No amount of sweetness on your part can make him be a righteous man.

7. A wise and godly woman knows that a godly man will respect your body and your boundaries. He will not try to take away your purity or God given privilege of sex without marrying you first. He won't pressure you to compromise. If he can't wait, then he's not the one.

8. A wise and godly woman knows that if your relationship has to be in hiding or in secret, then it's not real love. Nothing should be hidden in the dark, but be in the light.

9. A wise and godly woman knows that if he lies to you and he is deceptive about things, he will lie again. Don't expect him to tell the truth. You will be on a continuous carousel cycle....Going around and around. Get off the ride, Darling.

10. A wise and godly woman knows that if he really loves you he will not try to change or control you. He will appreciate your differences and promote your strengths. He will celebrate you for who you are.

11. A wise and godly woman knows that if he's hit you once or even threatened to raise a hand to you- He's not the one. One time of violence is too many times. His anger issues will not just disappear. Run and don't ever look back. A godly man would never threaten or try to harm you. He will only protect you.

12. A wise and godly woman knows that just because he has some good qualities, it does not mean he's meant to be your life partner. What he is now is what he will be later, even after you walk down the aisle. Marriage does not change his heart or character. You deserve the whole package. Don't settle because you are lonely.

13. A wise and godly woman knows that being unequally yoked does not just mean not sharing the same faith. It also means you both need compatible dreams, goals, vision, and callings. It means being on the same page concerning your destiny. Just because he is a Christian does not mean you should be united as one. A house divided cannot stand.

14. A wise and godly woman knows that his words are nothing unless he can back them up with his actions. Words and actions go together and must be consistent. Flattering words do not mean he will treat you well. Out of the abundance of the heart, a mouth will speak. Take notice, because there also will be proof behind the words he says. Don't ever forget that.

15. A wise and godly woman knows that if he can't keep a job, balance his account, pay his bills, and be wise with his money and spending, it's not a good situation to be in. A godly man will pay his tithes and offerings and trust God with his money. If he doesn't do this consistently, he's not the one. You deserve to be provided and cared for.

16. A wise and godly woman knows that if he has addictions (smoking, drinking, gambling, pornography, sex, etc.) no amount of love from you can overcome the heaviness and weight of his chains. Your life will be a living hell, as you will be chained to his sins. He is not the one. You can't deliver him. Only God can, and then only if he makes the decision for himself.

17. A wise and godly woman knows that if he has cheated before, he most likely will again. If he's cheating with you, then he will cheat on you. Adultery does not make a marriage or a God blessed relationship.

18. A wise and godly woman knows that if he really loves you, he will protect you, provide for you, cherish you, lead you, comfort you, celebrate you, and appreciate you. He will make you feel safe. He will honor you.  If something is lacking in any of these areas, he's not the one.

19. A wise and godly woman knows that if he can't embrace and love your children, he's not the one. A godly man will see you and your children as a blessing, not an inconvenience. You are a package deal. You and your kids are precious cargo. Never compromise your children for romance. A godly man would not expect you to.

20. A wise and godly woman knows that if he's not striving, growing, making goals, reaching for dreams, or moving forward, your life together is going to be stagnant, boring and full of frustrations. Without vision, people perish.

21. A wise and godly woman knows that her dreams, her goals, and her aspirations will matter to the one who truly loves her. He will believe in you, support, and encourage you in your dreams. He will speak life into your destiny.

22. A wise and godly woman knows that love should not hurt too much. It should not be taking away your peace, your joy, you self confidence or your spirit. If you feel worse in his presence, and feel like you can never measure up, then he is not the one. Run...run fast! You deserve better. Love should add to your life. Not take away.

23. A wise and godly woman knows that he should be growing spiritually on his own. He should be able to maintain his personal relationship with God. His life and his decisions should be based on the Word and character of God -even when the church doors are closed. There should be fruit in his life. You will know a believer by their fruits.

24. A wise and godly woman knows that a godly man should always treat her like a lady. He should open the car door, let you enter first when walking into a building, pull out your chair, pay for dinner, be respectful and have manners with you at all times. He should never use profanity in your presence or call you names that are hurtful. If you expect to be treated like a lady, then you will be. If not, he's not the one.

25. A wise and godly woman knows that a godly man will be honest about his intentions toward you. He will not play childish mind games or lead you along if he has no true interest in commitment. If he wants to be in your life, he will be consistent. You won't have to beg him for his attention or his physical presence in your life.

26. A wise and godly woman knows that she should let a man know what she expects of him in a relationship. She is honest and forthcoming, and doesn't take advantage of his generosity. She will respect him and honor him -both publicly and privately. She will desire to be a blessing every day of his life. If you can't do this with him, then you are not the right one for him. He deserves your best.

27. A wise and godly woman knows that God's chosen best is worth waiting for. Trying to mold a man into the box of what you desire in a mate is cruel and unfair to any man. Wait on God, and don't settle for less than His best for you.

28. A wise and godly woman knows that the way you treat him and make him feel in your presence is what he will remember -more than the dress or shoes you wore.

29. A wise and godly woman knows that respect starts with herself, her standards, her expectations, and her priorities. It starts with her and she should let a man know up front how she expects to be treated. A good man will respect you and honor you for this.  All these things should be based and founded by the word of God.

30. A wise and godly woman knows that he should appreciate and respect your body the way it is. If he's asking you to change your size, dye your hair, etc., he doesn't love you for you. However I do feel a godly woman should strive to maintain her health, exercise and eat responsibly. A good man will see you as beautiful just the way you are on fabulous days and frump girl days. Your beauty will be enough just the way you are.

31. A wise and godly woman knows that if he says he's not ready  for or desiring marriage, and he isn't looking for a commitment, be wise and don't waste your life waiting for him to change his mind.  If he already sees you as his wife, he won't need to be convinced.

32. A wise and godly woman knows that if you keep circling a bush about the same problems with him, guess what? You are going to keep circling around that bush. A healthy relationship can deal with and solve problems together. If you are still fighting about the same thing, it's going to remain that way when you are married.

33. A wise and godly woman knows that a godly man will seek after God's will concerning your relationship. Your love will be Christ centered. Your decisions and the direction of your relationship will be accomplished with united prayer and seeking God's word and His plan. This is a spiritual leader. The way he leads you before marriage matters.

34. A wise and godly woman knows that a godly man will not walk out and abandon you. He won't be leaving when there are obstacles or struggles. He will face challenges with you. He won't be disappearing and reappearing. You are not a yo-yo. Your heart is precious and he should handle it gently and honorably. Not be stringing you back and forth.

35. A wise and godly woman knows that no amount of your love, sweetness, etc. can change a bad boy. Only God and can change him if and when he makes his decision for God. Wasting your heart, tears, time, and dreams on a bad boy is a BAD choice. You are God's daughter, and you deserve better than that. 

-Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth/Ruby Wives. Copyright August 9th 2013.

Please do not alter or copy content. You are welcome to share for encouragement purposes.

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Wahai Wanita Lajang Allah yang terkasih,

Melalui berbagai cobaan dan waktu berjalan melalui "fase bodoh" saya tentang kencan dan hubungan yang rusak, saya belajar beberapa hal dan mengumpulkan beberapa kebijaksanaan yang berharga. Saya akan senang untuk berbagi dengan Anda untuk menyelamatkan Anda dari rasa sakit Anda yang tidak perlu, dan juga mencegah Anda membuang-buang waktu berharga Anda. Berikut ini adalah beberapa TIPS untuk Anda:

1. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika sang pria tidak menjawab telepon atau pesan teks, email, dll, dia tidak benar2 ada untuk Anda. Biarkan dia pergi. Berhenti menunggu telepon yang berdering.

2. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika Anda harus memamerkan belahan dada Anda dan payudara untuk mendapatkan perhatiannya, dia bukanlah pria yang pantas untuk Anda. Hati dan karakter Andalah yang seharusnya membuat Anda menarik baginya. Bukan bokong, payudara, pinggul, dll Jika Anda berpakaian seperti sampah, maka Anda juga akan diperlakukan seperti sampah.

3. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika sang pria membuat Anda harus mengemis kepadanya untuk menghabiskan waktu dengan Anda dan anak-anak Anda, dia bukanlah pria yang layak untuk Anda. Seorang pria yang benar-benar mencintai Anda akan membuat ruang dalam jadwalnya untuk Anda dan anak-anak Anda.

4. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika sang pria tidak memiliki rasa hormat untuk Anda, orang tua Anda, orangtuanya sendiri atau orang dalam otoritas, dia bukanlah pria yang tepat untuk Anda. Seorang pria yang baik akan menghormati dan memperlakukan keluarganya dan orang-orang dalam otoritas dengan hormat.

5. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika sang pria membawa Anda jauh dari Tuhan, dia bukan orang yang tepat. Seorang pria yang baik akan membawa Anda lebih dekat kepada Tuhan. Dia akan menghadiri gereja dengan Anda, membaca Firman Tuhan, dan menyembah Tuhan setiap hari. Perilaku dan tindakannya akan mencerminkan hubungannya dengan Tuhan. Dia akan menginspirasi Anda untuk bertumbuh secara rohani.

6. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa dia tidak bisa membuat sang pria siap menjadi calon suami. Baik dirinya sendiri atau org lain. Jangan buang waktu Anda mencoba untuk mengubahnya. Sebesar apapun kebaikan dan hal manis pada bagian Anda yang dapat mengubahnya menjadi orang yang benar. Hanya Tuhan yang sanggup.

7. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa seorang pria yang saleh akan menghargai TUBUH Anda dan batas-batas yang Anda buat. Dia tidak akan mencoba untuk mengambil kemurnian atau keistimewaan keintiman seks yang Tuhan berikan tanpa menikah dulu. Dia tidak akan menekan Anda untuk berkompromi. Jika dia tidak bisa menunggu, maka dia bukanlah pria yang Anda cari.

8. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika hubungan Anda harus sembunyi -sembunyi atau secara rahasia, maka itu bukanlah cinta sejati. Tidak ada yang harus disembunyikan dalam gelap, tetapi jadilah hubungan di dalam terang.

9. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika sang pria berbohong kepada Anda dan dia menipu tentang banyak hal, ia akan berbohong lagi. Jangan berharap dia untuk mengatakan yang sebenarnya. Anda akan berada di siklus korsel terus menerus.. berputar dan berputar. Turunlah dari kendaraanmu, saudari.

10. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika sang pria benar-benar mencintai Anda dia tidak akan mencoba untuk mengubah atau mengendalikan Anda. Dia akan menghargai perbedaan dan mempromosikan kekuatan Anda. Dia akan bersukacita dengan apa adanya Anda.

11. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika dia memukul Anda sekali atau bahkan mengancam dengan mengangkat tangannya yang diarahkan kepada Anda, dia bukan pria yang layak untuk Anda. Satu kali kekerasan akan berulang kembali untuk ke sekian kalinya. Masalah temperamen kemarahannya tidak akan hilang begitu saja. Jalanlah ke depan dan jangan pernah melihat ke belakang. Seorang pria saleh tidak akan pernah mengancam atau mencoba untuk menyakiti Anda. Ia hanya akan melindungi Anda.

12. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa hanya karena si pria memiliki beberapa kualitas yang baik, bukan berarti dia dimaksudkan untuk menjadi pasangan hidup Anda. Apa yang ada dalam dirinya saat ini adalah apa yang akan terus ada kemudian, bahkan setelah Anda berjalan menyusuri lorong pernikahanpun tidak akan mengubah hati dan karakternya. Anda berhak mendapatkan seluruh paket yang baik. Jadi, jangan langsung puas hanya karena Anda kesepian.

13. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa menjadi pasangan yang tidak seiman/sepadan tidak hanya berarti tidak berbagi iman yang sama, tp ini juga berarti Anda berdua perlu impian, tujuan, visi, dan panggilan hidup yang kompatibel. Ini berarti Anda harus berada di halaman yang sama tentang masa depan Anda dan pasangan Anda. Hanya karena ia adalah seorang Kristen tidak berarti Anda harus bersatu sebagai satu tubuh. Sebuah rumah yang terbagi tidak bisa berdiri.

14. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa kata-kata sang pria tidaklah berarti kecuali ia dapat membuktikan lewat tindakannya. Kata-kata dan tindakan harus berjalan bersama-sama dan harus konsisten. Kata-kata sanjungan tidak berarti dia akan memperlakukan Anda dengan baik. Di luar dari kelimpahan hati, mulut akan berbicara. Perhatikan baik-baik! Karena akan ada pembuktian dibalik semua kata-kata katanya. Jangan pernah lupakan hal ini!

15. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika sang pria tidak bisa menjaga pekerjaannya, menyeimbangkan rekeningnya, membayar tagihan, dan bijaksana dalam membelanjakan uangnya, itu bukan situasi yang baik untuk masuk ke dalam hidupnya. Seorang pria yang saleh akan membayar persepuluhan dan segala tagihan, dan menyenangkan Allah dengan uangnya. Jika dia tidak melakukan hal ini secara konsisten, dia bukanlah pria yang Anda cari. Anda layak untuk disediakan yang terbaik dan dirawat.

16. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika sang pria memiliki kecanduan (merokok, minum, judi, pornografi, seks, dll) seberapapun cinta dari Anda tidak dapat mengatasi/melepaskannya dari  rantai keterikatannya tersebut. Hidup Anda akan menjadi seperti neraka, karena Anda akan dirantai ke  dalam dosa-dosanya. Dia bukanlah pria yang Anda cari. Anda tidak dapat membebaskan dia. Hanya Allah yang bisa, dan kemudian hanya jika ia membuat keputusan untuk dirinya sendiri.

17. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika si pria telah berselingkuh sebelumnya, ia kemungkinan besar akan berselingkuh lagi. Jika dia berselingkuh dengan Anda, maka ia akan mengkhianati Anda dengan orang lain. Perzinahan tidak membuat perkawinan atau suatu hubungan diberkati Tuhan.

18. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika dia benar-benar mencintai Anda, ia akan melindungi Anda, melayani Anda, menghargai Anda, memimpin Anda, menghibur Anda, bersukacita bersama Anda, dan menghargai Anda. Dia akan membuat Anda merasa aman. Dia akan menghormati Anda. Jika ada sesuatu yang kurang dalam bidang ini, dia bukanlah yang Anda cari.

19. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika sang pria tidak bisa merangkul dan mencintai anak-anak Anda, dia bukanlah yang terbaik. Seorang pria yang saleh akan melihat Anda dan anak-anak Anda sebagai berkat, bukan ketidaknyamanan. Anda adalah satu paket. Anda dan anak-anak Anda barang berharga. Jangan pernah kompromi anak-anak Anda hanya untuk cinta. Seorang pria salehpun tidak akan mengharapkan seperti itu.

20. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika sang pria tidak berjuang, bertumbuh, membuat tujuan, meraih mimpi, atau bergerak maju, hidup Anda bersama akan menjadi stagnan, membosankan dan penuh frustrasi. Tanpa visi, orang-orang akan binasa.

21. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa mimpinya, tujuan, dan aspirasinya akan menjadi  hal yang berarti bagi orang yang benar-benar mencintainya. Dia akan percaya pada Anda, mendukung, dan mendorong Anda dalam mimpi-mimpi Anda. Dia akan menjadi saksi hidup untuk masa depan Anda.

22. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa cinta tidak harus menyakiti Anda terlalu banyak. Cinta seharusnya tidak mengambil rasa damai, sukacita, dan kepercayaan diri Anda. Jika Anda merasa buruk di hadapannya, dan merasa seperti Anda tidak dapat bertumbuh lebih baik, maka ia bukanlah yang Anda cari. Larilah cepat! Anda layak menemukan lebih baik. Cinta harus menambahkan hidup Anda. Tidak mengambil.

23. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa sang pria harus bertumbuh secara rohani sendiri. Ia harus mampu mempertahankan hubungan pribadi dengan Tuhan. Hidupnya dan keputusannya harus didasarkan pada Firman dan karakter Allah -bahkan ketika pintu gereja ditutup. Harus ada buah dalam hidupnya. Anda akan tahu seorang 'percaya' dari buah mereka.

24. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa seorang pria yang saleh harus selalu memperlakukannya seperti seorang wanita. Dia harus membuka pintu mobil, membiarkan Anda memasukkan pertama ketika berjalan ke suatu gedung, menarik keluar kursi Anda, membayar untuk makan malam, menjadi hormat dan memiliki sikap dengan Anda setiap saat. Dia tidak menggunakan kata-kata kotor di hadapan Anda atau nama panggilan yang menyakitkan Anda. Jika Anda mengharapkan untuk diperlakukan seperti seorang wanita, maka Anda akan mendapatkannya. Jika tidak, dia bukanlah yang Anda cari.

25. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa seorang pria saleh akan jujur ​​tentang niatnya kepada Anda. Dia tidak akan bermain dengan permainan pikiran kekanak-kanakan atau membimbing Anda jika ia tidak memiliki kepentingan yang benar dalam komitmen. Jika dia ingin menjadi bagian dalam hidup Anda, ia akan konsisten. Anda tidak akan harus mengemis perhatiannya atau kehadiran fisik dalam hidup Anda.

26. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa ia harus membiarkan seorang pria tahu apa yang dia harapkan dari suatu hubungan. Dia jujur ​​dan siap sedia jika dibuthkan, dan tidak mengambil keuntungan dari kemurahan hati sang pria. Dia akan menghormati dan menghargai sang pria -baik di depan publik maupun saat pribadi. Dia berkeinginan untuk menjadi berkat setiap hari di sepanjang hidup sang pria. Jika Anda tidak dapat melakukan hal ini dengan dia, maka Anda bukan orang yang tepat untuknya. Dia layak mendapatkan yang lebih baik dari Anda.

27. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa yang terbaik pilihan Allah layak ditunggu. Mencoba untuk membentuk seorang pria ke dalam kotak dari apa yang Anda inginkan dalam pasangan itu adalah kejam dan tidak adil kepada siapapun. Nantikanlah Tuhan, dan janganlah bertahan dengan standar-standar yang kurang dari yang terbaik yang telah Tuhan sediakan bagi Anda.

28. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa cara Anda memperlakukan sang pria dan membuatnya merasa nyaman di hadapan Anda adalah apa yang dia akan selalu ingat -lebih dari gaun atau sepatu yang Anda kenakan.

29. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa penghormatan dimulai dari dirinya sendiri, standar hidupnya, harapan, dan prioritasnya. Dimulai dari dalam dirinya dan dia harus membiarkan seorang pria tahu bagaimana dia mengharapkan untuk diperlakukan. Seorang pria yang baik akan menghormati Anda dan menghormati Anda untuk ini. Semua hal ini harus didasarkan dan didirikan oleh firman Allah.

30. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa sang pria harus menghargai dan menghormati tubuh Anda sebagaimana adanya. Jika dia meminta Anda untuk mengubah ukuran Anda, mewarnai rambut, dll, dia tidak mencintai Anda. Namun saya merasa seorang wanita yang saleh juga harus berusaha untuk menjaga kesehatan, berolahraga dan makan secara bertanggung jawab. Seorang pria yang baik akan melihat Anda indah apa adanya pada hari-hari yang luar biasa ataupun tidak. Kecantikan Anda akan cukup jika Anda bersikap apa adanya.

31. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika sang pria mengatakan dia tidak siap atau tidak berkeinginan menikah, dan itu berarti dia tidak mencari komitmen. Bijaksanalah dan jangan menyia-nyiakan hidup Anda menunggu dia untuk berubah pikiran. Jika dia sudah melihat Anda sebagai istrinya, dia tidak akan perlu diyakinkan.

32. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa jika Anda terus dikelilingi semak tentang masalah yang sama dengan dia, coba tebak? Anda akan terus berputar pada semak yang sama. Sebuah hubungan yang sehat dapat menangani dan memecahkan masalah bersama-sama. Jika Anda masih berjuang tentang hal yang sama terus menerus, itu akan tetap seperti itu ketika Anda menikah.

33. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa seorang pria saleh akan mencari kehendak Allah tentang hubungan Anda. Cinta Anda akan berpusat pada Kristus. Keputusan dan arah hubungan Anda akan dicapai dengan doa bersama dan mencari firman Allah dan rencana-Nya. Ini adalah cara pemimpin spiritual. Cara dia membawa Anda sebelum masalah-masalah pernikahan.

34. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa seorang pria saleh tidak akan berjalan keluar dan meninggalkan engkau. Dia tidak akan meninggalkan ketika ada rintangan atau perjuangan. Dia akan menghadapi tantangan bersama Anda. Dia tidak akan menghilang dan muncul kembali. Anda bukanlah yo-yo. Hati Anda sangat berharga dan ia harus menjaganya dengan lembut dan hormat. Tidak ditarik ulur.

35. Seorang wanita yang bijaksana dan saleh tahu bahwa seberapapun besar cinta, hal manis, dll tidak dapat mengubah pria yang tidak baik. Hanya Tuhan yang dapat mengubahnya jika ia membuat keputusan untuk Tuhan. Mengorbankan perasaan, air mata, waktu, dan mimpi Anda pada pria yang tidak baik adalah pilihan yang buruk. Anda adalah putri Allah, dan Anda layak lebih baik dari itu.

-Ditulis oleh Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth / Ruby Istri. Hak Cipta 9 Agustus 2013.

Harap jangan mengubah atau menyalin konten. Anda dipersilakan untuk berbagi untuk tujuan memberi dorongan.

Tuhan memberkati..^_^