Kotbah Philip Mantofa : When I Fall In Love

"In True Love We Trust and Give Space" | by Zen Moment

Learning how to give space in a relationship is vital to a happy, secure, and trusting relationship, and like anything of value, it requires focused effort. Falling in love is the easy part. Making a relationship work requires trust and understanding far beyond what you might think. 

Starting a new relationship can be a bit like entering a dreamscape. Your new love; perhaps your first love; it is all so intoxicating. They say that love is all there is; it’s that important. Do you feel that way? If you do, then as things of value go, a genuine relationship tops your list of desires. And when you desire something what do you do? You want to possess it, right?

Now it gets a bit sticky, because, can you actually possess love? If you think you can, does that also mean that you own your lover in the same way as you hold tight to the love you feel? Think about that. Each day thousands of relationships die a painful and largely pointless death, because couples mistake their needs and insecurities for genuine love.

What is true love?

Well for starters here are some things love is not. Genuine love has nothing whatever to do with your selfishness, jealously, and possessiveness. You cannot capture love, and you cannot hold the love of your life — your wife or husband, girlfriend or boyfriend — a prisoner of your insecurities. Nor can you rewind and freeze-frame your relationship at some idyllic point in the past or in your imagination. True love is beauty. Not external beauty, but the beauty you will experience when you allow your love — and your lover — to grow and expand. Love is nurtured by giving space.

Every romance must deepen or die. You either support and encourage one another’s growth as individuals, or you restrict and confine one another until there is no life left in your relationship. You get to choose. Learn to trust enough to give mental and physical space to your partner, and you will have a confident and happy relationship.

True love then is unselfish and unconditional. Your love celebrates your lover’s independent growth without the need for you to possess or control. You are confident and happy when your partner discovers new personal power and direction. That is true love. How would you rate your relationship? Is it true love?

Create trust | give space

If you are wondering why you should trust your lover and give him or her space, you might ask yourself why you are in a relationship in the first place. If you are in it mainly to possess comfort, sex, money, security, social or even self-acceptance, then love is not on your agenda. You can safely forget about it and continue on your mutual path of self gratification, possession, and power struggles.

But if you are open to finding true unconditional love, then the road passes right through the heart of your selfishness, your jealousy, and your possessiveness — and it emerges on the opposite side. You must navigate these base emotions before you can move your relationship onto higher ground.

Is it difficult? Well, yes it is, but…

If you really care about your life partner — your possible soulmate — you will want them to achieve their highest potential, and you will want to give them the space required to make that happen. You both need space to grow as much as you need air to breathe. Neither of you benefits if you smother one another. Trust, and space, are powerful ways to save a dying relationship that has spiralled out of control from being too much in control. So relax, breathe, and trust your partner enough to give him or her some time and space; some room to grow.

These everyday spaces can be for quiet contemplation, to enjoy a friend’s company, or to explore personal directions. This space is the creative vortex where you as a couple explore life and create through your differences; entwined but separate beings, loving and living in the creative gap between you.

How to give space?

You can give your partner space on many levels. It can be as obvious as physical space, or time space, and it can be as subtle as psychic and emotional space. It comes down to trust and unconditional love. We all need this type of love, trust, and support to achieve our best. 

Just ask yourself: What freedoms and support would you want from an ideal relationship? Now, just claim and extend that freedom and support in your current relationship to see where it might lead. Let go a bit; test the waters of trust; support your lover’s sense of freedom and enthusiasm as much as you would like yours supported. Do this, and you will see your relationship heal as you both grow into more complete individuals.

Don’t compete with your partner or try to possess them. Instead, celebrate your individual strengths. Support and encourage the best within each of you.

However you choose to give your partner space, or in what form you ask your partner for this trust and freedom, know that the space you give or receive is directly proportional to your growth as a couple.

The less you try to possess your lover, the more true love you will experience. Give space and be free!

Over to you now…

Source: https://www.zen-moments.com/in-true-love-we-trust-and-give-space.html

"Restoring Strained or Broken Relationship"

Restoring Strained or Broken Relationships (3)

Sunday, April 12, 2009 — chanmunwai 

 

1.         Restoration starts with God

 

By now, some of you are getting impatient.  You are probably wondering “what can I do about my relationship?”  If that describes you, then you are still not ready.  Restoring strained and broken relationships does not start with tackling your problem.  It starts with getting close to God.  The focus is not on your troubled relationship.  Instead, the focus is on getting close to God.  It is not you who will solve the problem.  It is God who will help you solve the problem.

 

2.         God makes something out of nothing

 

The Bible says: Romans 4:17 – “God gives life to the dead and calls those things that do not exist as though they did.” This verse was referring to God’s encounter with Abraham.  God told Abraham that he would be a father of many nations.  However, when God met him, Abraham had been childless for many years. The truth we can learn from the incident is that God can make something out of nothing.

 

Abraham did not have a son when God spoke to him.  His body was way past his fertility.  But God gives life to the dead and He calls things that do not exist (i.e. Abraham’s son) as though they do.  In God’s eyes, Abraham was already a father even though physically, he was not.

 

3.         God brings dead relationships to life

 

God too can bring dead relationships to life.  A good relationship between you and your spouse or child may now not exist, but God promises that if you believe in Him, He can call up relationships that do not exist as though they do.  You can trust God to restore your strained and broken relationships because He can make something out of nothing.

 

In Genesis 1, we read that the earth was formless and empty, i.e. there was nothing.  Yet when God spoke “Let there be light” and there was light.  In the same way, He spoke everything into existence when previously they were not existent eg. sky, vegetation, sun, moon, etc.  God also can speak into your empty relationship and make it full again.

 

4.         Have faith in God

 

Like Abraham, you need to have faith in God who will restore your relationships.  Without faith, God will not work.  God doesn’t work according to needs.  He works according to faith.  To have faith in God means that you are sure of what you hope for, you are certain of what you cannot see (Hebrews 11:1).  Tell God that you will have faith in Him to restore your relationships.  Thank Him for helping you. When you speak in faith, you are following God’s example of calling into existence the things that don’t exist.

 

5.         Reflection

 

For the next 3 days, pray to God daily and He will listen to you.  He loves to hear your prayers.  In fact, He stores up your prayers because He loves what you say.  Tell Him daily about the strains and breaks in your relationships.  Ask Him to bring about fullness when your relationship is empty.  Believe that He will restore your relationships.  Just rest in His promise that He can call those things that don’t exist as though they do (Romans 4:17).

 

 

Meanwhile, spend time worshipping Him in songs of praise, read your Bible, meditate on His truths and just enjoy talking to God about everything in your life.  Don’t be afraid of losing your relationships.  Why?  Because you won’t lose them when God is helping you.  

How to deal with your fear?  The Bible says that the antidote for fear is love.  “Where God’s love is, there is no fear because God’s perfect love drives out fear (1 John 4:18).  Just accept God’s love for you.

Overcoming Heartache 💔

I kept waiting night after night for his truck to pull into the driveway. I slept in his t-shirt just to keep his scent near me. My days were blurred in a thick foggy haze. I barely slept, I barely ate, I lost the desire to live. I was truly heartsick. I can still remember my teenage son's voice saying, "Mama...don't you think it's time you slept upstairs in your bed again?" I felt so lost. I told myself he would come back; that somehow his truck had broken down and that he wasn't able to call. I tried to reason with my heart that he wasn't really gone; that he would be back. I was completely heartsick. I never really fully understood what the words meant when someone said their heart was broken. Oh, the sure pain of it -now...so surreal. I don't take those words for granted anymore. I have learned to pray, comfort, listen and hold someone's hand when they say those words. I am so eternally grateful for Poppa God walking me through that difficult time in my life. He truly healed that shattered broken heart, and then He gave me a purpose -even a rare beauty out of what was meant to destroy me. It's been several years now and those memories have faded, but I have not forgotten. What should you do when your heart is broken? Here are some things that helped me through that painful season: 

* If someone has left you, don't beg and plead for them to stay or come back. The best advice my grandmother gave me was: "If a man wants to walk, let him walk."  Begging, pleading, crying, manipulating, or pining for them to stay will only prolong your pain and suffering and that of your children. If someone wants to stay they will do it out of their own free will. You can't force someone to love you or to be faithful to you. Love is a choice, so let them choose. I know it hurts. I know you can't imagine your life without them, but you have to let them decide on their own. 

* Decide and determine in your heart that you will hold onto God no matter what. It's not His fault that a human you loved disappointed you. Cling to His promise that He will never leave you or forsake you. Cry out to Him. Pray. Choose to read His word, stay in church. Even if you feel like your world is falling apart remember that you are in the palm of His hand and He will carry you. He is closer than a brother and a friend at all times. Let Him hold you and comfort you. He can handle your pain and your tears. Life may not make sense right now but life will get better again. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy will come in the morning. 

* Reach out to someone you can trust; a prayer partner, a best friend, a pastor or mentor. Let them know what's going on. A true friend will care and be there for you during difficult times. Don't allow the lies of the enemy to tell you that you have to go through this alone. You need help during this time and it's okay to admit that. Ask others to pray for your strength, peace of mind, healing in your heart to take place. 

* Remember to take care of your body. When you go through heartache your overwhelming feelings invade you and you may forget to eat. Your appetite may be completely gone. Choose to at least eat some protein and drink water daily to keep yourself  hydrated.

* Choose to live life. You probably want to stay in bed all day and do absolutely nothing. Force yourself to get up and get out of the house. Go for walks, see a movie with a friend, grab coffee and read the Word. I know it feels like your life is void and empty, but whatever you do, do not stop living. If you were happy before this person came into your life, you can be happy again without them. It will just take time. 

* In the moments when you are completely overwhelmed by the grief and surges of feelings, have a friend you can call or text so they can pray for you. Sometimes the pain in your heart will feel like a sneaker tidal wave. You may feel completely like your drowning, but imagine yourself holding onto God's hand. He is right beside you and He will not let you be consumed. He is your anchor during the storm. Allow yourself to feel the pain and remind yourself that these feelings are temporary and they will pass. Breathe. 

* Take time to reflect. You can't do a thing about the person who broke your heart, but you can reflect and think about what you could do differently. Listen to God's voice and be honest with yourself. It's a healthy approach to admit your mistakes and to glean wisdom from them. Ask God to show you what was unhealthy about the relationship. The truth sets us free. Don't beat yourself up though and do not condemn yourself. Don't blame yourself for everything either. It takes two people to have a relationship. Everyone has something they can do better and things to work on. 

* Determine in your heart that you will forgive the person who hurt you. It doesn't mean you don't feel the pain anymore. It doesn't mean you are letting them off the hook -it means letting God deal with them. It means that you choose to walk in God's love. He can deal with people's hearts better than we can ourselves. I know it hurts. I know you're angry. I know you feel betrayed. It's okay to feel these feelings, but make the decision to forgive them. Ask God to help you in this. God can handle your feelings. Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision. 

* Do not choose to date or get involved in another romantic relationship until a lengthy time has passed. It's the worst mistake you can make. To start dating while your heart is broken is like walking around with a broken foot on novocaine. When the numbness wears off you will hurt even more. The damage will be greater. A second heartache is worse than first. Trust me -I know. Just because you feel better does not mean you are completely healed and ready for a relationship. Healing of a broken heart takes time. It's a process. God is a gentlemen and He heals our hearts one layer at a time, like an onion. Do yourself and the other person a favor -guard your heart. Get healthy first. 

* Do special things for you. You are worth it. Go for walks, exercise, get a pedicure. Pamper yourself. Pamper a girlfriend. Do something kind for a neighbor. Do things that are stress relieving. Comfort yourself by surrounding yourself with good people and good atmosphere. Buy candles. Try a new hobby. Join a choir. Do it for you. 

* Remember that tears are part of the process. It doesn't mean you are going backwards. A memory, a song or a smell might trigger feelings of the person who left you. Allow yourself to feel the pain and then move forward. Tears are cleansing, they're part of how God designed us to heal. He cares about you and the tears that fall on your pillow at night. So much that He actually records them in heaven. 

* Avoid seeking comfort from places and things that will only temporarily numb your pain. Stay away from alcohol, drugs, sex outside of marriage, online dating services, or people who are a bad influence. All these things may feel good for a while, but your life will end up in destruction. Seek comfort from Jesus, His word, your friends, church, etc. Anything that is good, pure, lovely -think on those things. 

* Know and remember that your pain and broken relationship are not your identity. You are lovable. You are a child of God. Nothing you can do can separate you from His unfailing love for you. He loves you right where you're at. Your mess is not who you are. Just because someone stopped loving you does not mean that you are unlovable. That is a huge lie of the enemy to try to destroy your confidence and self esteem. 

Praying for you, Dear one. God is with you in this season. Love will bloom again on the branches of your heart. Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives. Copyright 2013. All rights reserved. Please feel free to share for encouragement purposes. All scriptures are taken from the  NIV Bible Version.

Psalm 147:3

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 

 Hebrews 13:5

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” 

Psalm 51:17

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

Love, Joy, and Relationship

Seminar love, joy and relationship by Jeffrey rachmat (12 sept 2015)       

" if you want to have a blessed family, you have to be the right in front of Me"                                               

Keberhasilan suatu keluarga adalah tergantung dr suami krn merupakan imam keluarga. Istri yg bijak adlh mahkota suami (mau menilai suatu marriage? Bs terlihat dr sang istri, krn dialah mahkota suaminya)

Pernikahan adlh untuk kita enjoy bkn utk kita struggle

Tdk ada marriage yg sempurna, yg kita cari adlh kedewasaan bkn kesempurnaan

Jgn buru2 utk menikah, maximize your singleness..enjoy your singleness. Enjoy setiap fase dlm hidup kita

Semakin sulit suatu pertandingan maka semakin besar hadiahnya Akan tetapi semakin besar pula PERSIAPANNYA! 

Tuhan berfirman : tdk baik kalau manusia itu seorg diri saja, Aku akan menjadikan penolong baginya, yg sepadan dgn dia

Sepadan : kontras (blm tentu sama) tetapi justru membuat lbh indah

Jgn mencoba merubah pasanganmu krn dibutuhkan wkt utk merubah karakter org jd kita hrs memberikan wkt buat pasangan kita berubah

Apa itu love?

1.love means friendship

You have to be a good friend before you love each other. We need to be a good friend first before we become a good lover. To be a good friend you have to build a communication. Communication is not about SPEAKING, communication is about LISTENING!

Byk org yg blg " tp saya sdh melakukan Komunikasi tp tetep berantem". Itu krn mereka tdk mengerti komunikasi yg benar. Communication is an art

2. Love means commitment

Tdk bs mencintai satu sama lain hanya bermodalkan perasaan (perasaan bs hilang). Pernikahan bs up and down tp yg menyatukan adlh commitment. Love is a choice. Love is a decision.    

3. Love means compromise

Rela utk tdk happy untuk melakukan apa yg membuat pasangan kita senang. Sometimes compromise is not 50:50 (bs aja 100:0)                                

FAQ :

1. Kpn wkt yg tepat utk married?

Ketika anda SIAP, tdk ada patokan umur      

2.Apa job description suami dan istri ?

Tdk ada job desc tetap. Kita adlh partner. Marriage seperti bermain ganda campuran. Apabila pasangan kita di kiri, kita hrs di kanan agar tdk bs dikalahkan!

3. How to identify the right person?

Jgn sibuk mencari right person! Sibuklah MENJADI right person. Like attracts like. Jika kita terlebih dahulu ada di frekuensi yg benar maka org2 yg mendekat pasti yg satu frekuensi dgn kita

Jagalah hatimu dgn segala kewaspadaan, perlu pertahanan berlapis2. Org yg paling bs menyakiti kita adlh org yg plg dkt dgn kita oleh sebab itu kita hrs bs menyeleksi org2 yg punya privileges utk msk ke dlm hdp kita tsb. Pernikahan adlh utk org dewasa. 

Run to your purpose, if someone runs with you to the same purpose, she / he might be the right one

Jarang ada wedding party yg gagal tp begitu byk marriage yg berantakan, itu krn kurang PERSIAPAN! Persiapan wedding party aja 1 thn sblmnya Apalagi persiapan marriage yg utk seumur hidup?

Tdk ada sekolah yg mempelajari ttg relationship krn pembelajaran relationship adalah seumur hidup dan tdk pernah berhenti utk dipelajari 

Without workhard love is hard to find..

Marriage perlu diusahakan dan dipelajari seumur hidup kita.

Rule 19. "Be Cruel to Be Kind" (The Rules of Love -by Richard Templar)

The Rules of Love -by Richard Templar

#19/19 #RulesForFindingLove #book

Aturan 19. "Bertindaklah Kejam Demi Kebaikan"

Jika aturan 18 adlh ttg apa yg Anda lakukan jika org yg Anda cintai tdk mencintai Anda, maka skrg adalah kebalikannya. Bgmn jika Anda tdk bs mencintai org yg mencintai Anda?

Mgkn Anda menyukainya, Anda senang brsmnya, dia membuat Anda tertawa, dia mendengarkan keluh kesah Anda, atau dia memiliki minat yg sama dgn Anda. Anda tdk akan brsm dgnnya jika memang tdk ada hal2 yg Anda sukai darinya. Tp Anda tahu Anda tdk akan prnh mencintainya sprt dia mencintai Anda.

Anda merasa bersalah tentu saja. Anda berharap bs mencintainya, dan Anda tdk ingin menyakitinya.

Anda mgkn senang bertahan dgnnya, Mksd saya, mgkn saja memang tdk ada org lain yg bs Anda ajak pergi, dan Anda ingin pergi ke tmpt yg sama. Atau Anda takut akan merindukan keluarga atau teman2nya.

Tp itu bukan jwbnnya. Tdk jika Anda adlh pengikut aturan. Semakin lama Anda bertahan dgn org ini, semakin berat kesulitan yg akn ia hadapi (berusaha membuat Anda mencintainya), semakin sakit dia ketika Anda akhirnya pergi (Anda akan pergi pd akhirnya, dan semakin byk waktu yg dia buang org yg salah - Anda).

Tidak. Anda hrs kejam demi kebaikan & mengakhiri hub itu skrg. Sy tahu hal ini sulit. Jika Anda peduli kpd org ini, Anda akan merasa bersalah jika menyakitinya. Tp ingatkan diri Anda bhw Anda hny akan memperparah sakitnya jika Anda membiarkan hub ini lbh lama lg. Dia pantas utk bebas menemukan seseorang yg dapat mencintainya. 

Jika Anda tdk bnr2 mencintai org ini, cepat atau lambat Anda akan menemukan seseorg yg membuat Anda jatuh cinta.

Hal terbaik bg semua org adalah jika Anda bertindak kejam utk sementara. Dengan demikian Anda membebaskan semua org utk melanjutkan hidup & meraih kebahagiaan hidup yg lbh drpd skrg. Pasangan Anda mgkn tdk akan menyukainya, tp suatu hr nanti dia akan mengenang & diam2 berterima kasih kpd Anda krn tindakan Anda.

*Bebaskan semua org utk melanjutkan hidup*

#TheRulesofLove #RichardTemplar #RulesForFindingLove #recommended #book #bestseller 

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Rule 18. "You Can't Make Someone to Love You" (The Rules of Love -byRichard Templar)

The Rules of Love -by Richard Templar

#18/19 #RulesForFindingLove #book

Aturan 18. "Anda Tidak Bisa Membuat Seseorang Mencintai Anda"

Mgkn ini adlh salah 1 hal yg sulit diterima ketika berbicara masalah hati. Anda menemukan seseorg yg selama ini Anda cari. Masalahnya, dia tdk menyadarinya.

Mgkn kalian bertemu baru2 ini & Anda jatuh cinta , tp dia tampaknya biasa saja. Anda menunggu dgn gigih, yakin bhw dia akan segera sadar bhw kalian berdua diciptakan utk bersama. Atau mgkn Anda sudah bersama slm bbrp tahun -- dia senang kpd Anda krn bersama Anda memang menyenangkan -- namun jauh di dlm hati Anda tahu dia tdk bnr2 mencintai Anda.

Cpt atau lambat dia akan memberi tahu Anda bhw hub tsb tdk akan berhasil, namun Anda tdk akan mau mendengarnya. Anda mencoba membujuknya utk memberi Anda 1 ksmptn lg. Mgkn Anda berusaha berubah mjd org yg dia inginkan. Itu adlh hal yg memalukan sbnrnya, tp Anda tdk melihatnya demikian. Anda merasa hal itu pantas dilakukan utk memenangkan cintanya.

Lucunya, cara ini tdk prnh berhasil. Cinta bukan sprt itu. Anda bs melakukan apa saja, menghukum diri Anda krn tdk memenuhi standarnya (dlm pandangan Anda), prosesnya, dan dia tetap tdk akan mencintai Anda. Dia tdk bs. Mgkn dia bersikap lembut & pemaaf ttg hal itu, tp mgkn juga dia tdk baik & brutal. 

Betapapun indahnya pribadi yg Anda cintai, jika dia tdk mencintai Anda, hub Anda tdk akan berhasil.

Sekalipun misalkan mereka bs mencintai Anda, jika hal itu menuntut Anda melewati berbagai rintangan hny utk bertahan dgnnya, hal itu tdk pantas.

Anda memerlukan & layak mendapatkan seseorg yg mencintai Anda apa adanya. Jd, begitu Anda menyadari bhw Anda brsm ssorg yg tdk mencintai Anda, Anda perlu dgn berani mengakhiri hub tsb sblm dia mengakhirinya. Anda mgkn akan merasa sedih kehilangannya, namun Anda akan bangga telah mempertahankan harga diri Anda. Suatu hari nanti Anda akan mengenang & sadar betapa berani & tepatnya keputusan yg Anda buat.

*Jangan pernah berusaha berubah utk menjadi org yg org lain inginkan.*

#TheRulesofLove #RichardTemplar #RulesForFindingLove #recommended #book #bestseller

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Line: merryrema

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